#98. Mark Robinson and You

In North Carolina, Mark XXX-es the spot.

Hi everyone,

I am…so sleepy after an excellent weekend in Denver (more on that later), but I’m back at sea level and breathing air that feels as thick as clam chowder.

Two weeks ago, I threw my body into the wood chipper of three concerts in six nights. Last week I did the same thing, but for comedy. I regret nothing!!!! Well, nothing about the last two weeks. Going back further, in the words of noted drama queen Frank Sinatra, regrets…I have a few. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about!

Monday night was the first ever Frankenstein’s Baby show at Union Hall! It was great! A woman in the crowd called out to ask where my sweater was from (Mifland) and it turned out she was…Stacy London of What Not To Wear?!?!?! Anything is possible! Our next two shows are 10/7 (I’ll be there hanging out) and 10/21 (I’ll be co-hosting)!

Joyelle Alison Jordan Me Tyrone and Donwill // Photo: Sam Brooks

On Tuesday I got to do a show on Long Island with friend and J.D. Vance impression-master Dan Wilbur! On Wednesday, I opened for Aparna Nancherla whose new hour really shot me into space! On Thursday evening (flight timing on account of recording a new episode of Normal Gossip in the afternoon…but you didn’t hear it from me), I flew to Denver for the High Plains Comedy Festival, landing just in time to make it to my first show!

High Plains was an ideal comedy festival experience. The volunteers and staff members were so helpful and kind. The crowds were warm and enthusiastic. I got to hang out with a million old friends (Rob Haze! The All Fantasy Everything guys! Hannah Jones! Grawlix!) and see them crush shows! I met a few people (Chris Estrada! Laura Peek!) whose work I love but who I’d never encountered in person before! It’s just wild to see how many different ways there are to be good at standup comedy, even in front of the same audience! (Shouts out also to Rory Scovel, Kyle Kinane, Jaye McBride, Milly Tamarez, and Django Gold!) It’s been a weird time in the industry/country/world, but at least in terms of professional optimism, very little is more restorative to me than seeing how many people are working so hard on creating art that is special and personal and weird and serious and silly!!!

I had an especially fun time on The Grawlix Saves the World podcast with the aforementioned Grawlix and Laura Peek. It is a competitive advice show judged by a live audience, and it was total chaos. Several times during the recording, the entire audience chanted “Evil Josh! Evil Josh!” at me, which warmed my heart.

I think in terms of vegetables, I ate…a few jalapeños, so I’m planning on a week straight of intravenous salad consumption to get my efforts to continue being alive back on track. Thanks so much to festival founder Adam Cayton-Holland for inviting me out, and to Karen and the whole staff for running such an incredible weekend! I was so glad to finally make it to Denver! (Reminder: If you subscribe to this newsletter you’ll always be on top of my tour schedule so you can come see me or stay away from me according to your preference!)

Speaking of not dying (sort of) I’ve been trying to make the use of New York City’s few perfect weeks of cool morning/hot afternoon/cool evening weather to get out of my apartment early to shoot some jump shots at my local court. It’s the perfect time of year both weather-wise and in terms of teenagers being back at school and unable to remark on my technique or (even worse) invite me to play with/against them.

I am trying to break the vicious cycle of being out of practice, so I don’t play pickup, so my skills continue to erode, making me even more avoidant of letting other people see me shoot a basketball. I’m like the phantom of the three point line. Speaking of the three point line, the one at my court is NBA-distance, and I’m finding myself coming up short on my jumper. So I downloaded my brilliant pal Casey Johnston aka

She's A Beast: A Swole Woman's Newsletter

’s beginner weight lifting program to build strength and take my rightful place as Brooklyn’s male Sabrina Ionescu. Let’s see if I follow through on this (both the training program and the release on my jumper).

Also, speaking of basketball (again, 1:1 here), let’s go Liberty! I’d love to see them complete feat of both the NBA and WNBA teams I root for reigning as league champions!!!

Oh and!!! I’ve been sitting on this news until the official announcement, but just after Thanksgiving, I’m doing a bunch of shows around the northeast as part of Aimee Mann and Ted Leo’s Christmas Show! I am part of a little touring company (also including Nelly McKay and Paul F. Tompkins!!!) doing a bunch of dates in New York, Virginia, New Jersey, Massachusetts, and Connecticut as part of their semi-regular variety show, and I can’t wait! Please do not blow up my spot by telling them I said this, but Ted and Aimee and Paul are so cool, and I’m extremely thrilled and intimidated to get to be a part of these shows!!! (Nelly I’m sure is also cool but I don’t know her as well yet!)

Ted and Aimee *clap clap clapclapclap*

PEP TALK FOR MARK ROBINSON

Smiling through it all, can’t believe this is his life, presumably. (Gerry Broome/AP)

For readers who don’t know, Mark Robinson is the Lieutenant Governor of North Carolina as well as the Republican candidate for Governor in the upcoming election. His continued rise to power would be bad for the people of North Carolina. Which is important, but not the issue at hand. Robinson was also, several years ago, allegedly, a prolific commenter on a porn site called Nude Africa, a name I will refrain from mocking because I do not know if it’s an important fixture in the Black community. This is what we’re here to discuss. The comments in question were made through a username that Robinson employs across several other websites, and the account was linked to his email address (as was a recently-uncovered Ashley Madison account). So far this is weird, but it is not a crime to be horny while holding or aspiring to political office. At least two of our last four presidents would easily have qualified as criminally horny, for sure, if that was the case.

The problem with LieuGo (short for Lieutenant Governor, probably) Robinson is the specific nature of his libidinous comments. Some of them (referring to himself as a “black NAZI!” for example) were off-putting, if not disqualifying to his base of people who think the first word of that descriptor is more problematic than the second one. (And when I say “he,” I know this isn’t proven; I simply mean the commenter who uses Mark Robinson’s email address and social media handle. It could be anyone.) He (whoever he may be) also expressed his enthusiasm for pornography featuring transgender performers, which seems to contradict his bigoted position on which bathrooms transgender people should be forced to use. And, he (Who could it have been? But to clarify it’s the Nude Africa message board poster who uses Mark Robinson’s email address) said he doesn’t care whether a celebrity gets an abortion as long as he can see their sex tape. As you might imagine, Robinson is not nearly that pro-choice when he is flaccid and making statements under his own name.

Look, Mark Robinson, we all say things during sex that aren’t our actual opinions, and sometimes that’s a good thing. If our sexual utterances had to be 1:1 with reality, a disturbing amount of brains would wind up…out, through a process that it is not family-friendly to mention. Although it is a process that can be friendly to expanding families. On the other hand, I don’t think you get the same leeway with stuff you type with one hand while embarking on a sensual tour through Nude Africa with the other.

But, for your sake, at least you only contradicted a few of your (horrific and dangerous) conservative principles in your porn comments. You never commented something like: “Wow that guy has more than enough meat to satisfy everyone, if you know what I’m saying, and by that I mean America’s 1% has hoarded too much wealth, and they should be taxed at a sufficiently high rate to fund social programs that ensure no one goes hungry at night.” Or: “Look at how many people are inside her…it’s so beautiful, which makes me think that maybe our immigration system should be less focused on keeping people out at all costs.” That would really have torpedoed your support among conservatives. (Sorry this is a little explicit! Sometimes, in a newsletter, you’ve gotta play the news you’re dealt!)

Sure, you have so many bad opinions. But at least your insatiable appetite for pornography and shoddy understanding of anonymity only showed you to be a hypocrite regarding a few of them (allegedly). And yes, your top aides quit when this initial report came out. But you want a staff who knows and respects the real you. Even if the real you is someone whose horniness supersedes all his other values, which, I should reiterate, are bad.

PEP TALK FOR A READER

I made a teensy tweak to this pep talk for the sake of anonymizing the writer!

May I please have a pep talk? I’m moving tomorrow, I just started school, I’m going through a messy breakup and I just met someone new! My world is changing so much!
- Scare Change

Wow you really are in the middle of a ton of huge life changes, which can be challenging but also very rewarding. The trouble is, that situation stands in contrast to stasis, which is easy and can also be rewarding. 

But it certainly doesn’t sound like you wanted the easy, breezy (Am I the first person to rhyme those two words? Probably!) pleasures of continuity. You were ready for some dynamism. You were ready for the status quo to be, well, quover. You didn’t accidentally apply to school, select courses, and begin to attend them in a fugue state. You chose this for reasons, which you didn’t mention, so I will assume they are none of my business!

And sometimes breakups happen against your will, but certainly finding a new partner isn’t something that was foisted upon you as you kicked and screamed. I mean, maybe kicking and screaming is part of it! I don’t know your life. But if it was, it sounds like consensual kicking and screaming between grownups.

That’s not to say there aren’t issues even when you’re forging your own path forward with intent. But these are growth problem (like needing new pants or boredom with defeating your smaller peers at sports) rather than inertia problems (feet falling asleep, inability to experience new things unless someone brings them to you or drags you towards them). 

Ultimately, you’re in a position of experiencing joys and struggles of your own choosing. Which in this world is a beautiful privilege to get to experience, even for a short time. And if it’s great, you can go back to gliding for a while. And if it doesn’t stay satisfying, you can shuffle the deck again and deal with the new deal.

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
St. Vincent - “New York”

It was more relevant to my life two weeks ago when I saw St. Vincent live, but this song has been bubbling up in my head for a little bit now. It’s not really peppy, but it’s propulsive and wistful, which qualifies it for this section of the newsletter. I think it’s sweet to refer to someone as “the only motherfucker in the city who can handle me.” Who wouldn’t want to be a singularly qualified motherfucker? Full disclosure: Maris and I left the St. Vincent show before she performed this song, but we did see Lorde play a cover of it a few years ago, and that was good too!

UPCOMING SHOWS

I’ve got a bunch of NYC dates coming up, and then a few back on the road! See you there?!?!

9/23: New York Climate Week Event

9/25: Ambush at Ebbs Brewing (Brooklyn)

9/26: Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me Radio Recording (Kansas City)

10/2: Sleepwalk and then also Rodeo (Both Brooklyn)

10/4: Late Stage Live and Friends at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

10/8: Co-hosting Trivia For Cheaters 826 Fundraiser at Brooklyn Brewery

10/18: Cobra Club (Brooklyn)

10/21: Co-hosting Frankenstein’s Baby at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

10/24: American Sawdust (Brooklyn)

11/29-12/8: TED LEO AND AIMEE MANN CHRISTMAS SHOWS (Several Cities)