#129. May Flowers and You

Stop looking so smug; you're just plant genitals!

Hi everyone,

Last week was all about BUSINESS in a bunch of funny little ways, including some social ones. On Saturday night, our friends Ashtyn and Tim came over to drink espresso martinis from the ~influencer~ kit that HBO sent me in celebration of the new season of Hacks. (We haven’t started watching yet! Between Gemstones and The Rehearsal and the NBA Playoffs, I’m at capacity for TV right now!) I’d never had an espresso martini before, and I’m not an influencer, but I did used to write for an HBO late night show, which I imagine was what got me on their list. Maris mixed up some delicious cocktails, and the little kick of coffee had the added benefit of motivating us to leave the house for a friend’s birthday party at 8:30pm. (Happy birthday, Sean!) It was an extremely successful #brand #integration.

Have you heard about Season 4 of Hacks? Well NOW YOU HAVE!!!!

I also auditioned to co-host a podcast for putting people to sleep that would only exist on a specific brand of white noise machine. The audition consisted of a sample episode I recorded with a friend, where we were instructed to banter and have fun, but not to be too engaging. (Laughter, we were told, really wakes people up, so we tried to be funny enough to keep the riffs afloat, but not funny enough to crack each other up.) I’d never been challenged like this before although people have occasionally told me that I’m plenty unfunny already! I kind of love a quirky little gig that pays me money to learn a weird new skill, so fingers crossed this pans out. Business!

Most spectacularly this week, Maris and I saw Glengarry Glen Ross on Broadway with our friend Casey who was visiting from Los Angeles. I’d never seen a staged version of GGR (not sure anyone abbreviates it that way) before, just the movie, and it had such a different tone. The show played to huge and consistent laughs, which I hadn’t expected despite the casting of big comedy stars (Bob Odenkirk, Bill Burr, Michael McKean, and even Kieran Culkin). Maris hypothesized that it’s because in the present day, slick real estate guys from the past are self-evidently laughable. I also think that the re-exclusion of Alec Baldwin’s famous “Coffee is for closers!” monologue that was written into the 1992 filmed version of GlenGaGleRo (100% sure nobody calls it that) leaves the stage play without any character who seems cool or impressive. There’s no avatar of success, and everyone is (at best) a corruptible corporate drone and (at worst) a pathetic, corrupt scumbag. (Excising that role didn’t stop them from selling “coffee is for closers” mugs at the merch stand. Capitalism finds a way!)

Even the new season of The Rehearsal (no spoilers) digs into the gnawing push and pull of what it takes to acquire enough money to make real change, and whether the acquisition process impedes one’s ability to use that money beneficially. It’s an issue that’s certainly top of mind for me lately (how to be a responsible and helpful member of society while also finding a way to earn money). It’ll come up later in the newsletter as well. Oooo, a teaser!???!?!

It’s also ostensibly the topic of this podcast episode I did with my friend

Gabe Dunn

about the movie Iron Man 3. I honestly had a pretty good time watching this one even though I didn’t like the original Iron Man very much. In large part I was able to enjoy it because it was less about Tony Stark’s immense wealth and his ruminating about how he can use it responsibly. This one is more about how messed up it is to be an Avengers, and how America loves to hate a guy in a cave, which was more interesting to me. Is anyone else having this kind of gut reaction to entertainment as the U.S. government is increasingly directly manipulated by some of the most grotesque and racist oligarchs in world history? Just like, not wanting to see rich people feeling conflicted about their richness?

In any case, I had fun talking with Gabe and maybe you’d have fun listening! And this week I’m psyched to see the great Paul F. Tompkins’ Varietopia show on Friday night. Lots to look forward to, even if I’m maybe about to render myself the Pagliacci of sleep podcasts and stay up all night twisted off the free espresso martinis.

PEP TALK FOR MAY FLOWERS

No pilgrim, but these may flowers are pretty nice.

Over the past week, I’ve been spending a lot of time walking around my neighborhood with Maggie (pug, age 4). She is curious about all the sights and smells. She wants to befriend every person she sees, and for some reason growl at 50% of the other dogs and scrape her feet along the ground like a bull about to charge. Frankly, she’s too cute; when the weather is nice, strangers can’t help stopping to marvel at her squishy face. I do love it, and I am absolutely offended when folks don’t stop me to say how adorable she is. But we have places to go! Maggie has (finally) been convinced that it’s better for all parties concerned if she pees outside instead of inside. But she’s very picky about where she’s willing to go, and I try not to let her be distracted while she’s getting in the zone.

I’m happy to meander through Brooklyn with a small wrinkly dog in part because I am wildly underemployed but even more so because the weather has been rapidly improving; we’re in the midst of three of the six excellent weeks that seduce visitors into moving to New York and coax residents into staying here. The flowers in my neighborhood are in full bloom, and I have managed to pry my eyes off of my phone screen long enough to murmur: “Ooo, the cherry blossoms, or at least what I assume to be cherry blossoms, are lovely this year!” We haven’t quite hit the technical season, but May Flowers are doing their thing.

And to those flowers I say: Watch yourselves. I know you’re populating Instagram stories (and newsletter headers) now, but don’t get cocky. This could all go to hell for you on any day, and speaking from experience (with seasonal flora, not entropy generally, but also…) it will. Soon your petals will be strewn across the sidewalk, dead and ready to be outlined in pollen (nature’s chalk).

I know this is a pep talk newsletter, but sometimes tough love is what’s needed, and I’m here to deliver. So May Flowers, don’t get too big for your branches and forget where you came from. You would be nothing without April Showers. Nothing. You were just buds and bulbs and stalks while the rest of us had to splash and splatter through the spring storms. DON’T THINK WE DIDN’T NOTICE.

Yes, everyone is happy to see you, even people with allergies. And no I don’t know if I have allergies or if I’ve just been staying up too late the last few weekends and feel like garbage because of that. Regardless! You’re great, May Flowers, but nothing lasts forever, even warm May sun. Be cool. And, sneezing aside, we will appreciate you while you’re here.

PEP TALK FOR A READER

I did a little re-formatting and nicknaming for this reader! That’s all!

My second tarot book is coming out in July and I am nervous to market it given *flails at the world.* I believe so strongly in what I do, but it's still a struggle right now. I'm positive that I'm not the only author in this place right now!
- Booked and Dizzy

Congratulations, B&D, on what is a big and thrilling accomplishment despite *glances back and forth furtively* basically everything else going on. I know for a fact you’re not the only author concerned about launching a new book in the face of *does one of those deep sighs where your lips go p-p-p-p-p-p-p* the vast majority of news reports and cultural headwinds. (I may be married to one.) Let’s take a step back here: It’s not just authors. If I had to bet, I’d guess people in nearly every line of work have felt some ambivalence lately about the value of what they do when confronted with *looks in mirror, slaps self in face once, scowls and walks out of the bathroom* the overwhelming chaos of living in the present day.

Teachers feel forced to do a worse job because of small cohorts of reactionary parents. Human rights lawyers are fraying at the ends worried that they are doing enough for clients at risk. I’m sure that there are plumbers out there thinking “Who gives a shit?” and dog trainers struggling with an unprofessional impulse to let a rogue chihuahua keep biting strangers. Who cares? How strong could his jaws possibly be? I bet PR representatives feel trepidation as well, but they will continue sending a “just following up” email every six days until the sun burns out, regardless of the fact that you have no idea how you got on their email list, and have never replied to a single one of the five dozen messages they’ve sent you already this year.

It’s natural and beneficial to question the value of how you spend your days. I bet most thinking and feeling people keep themselves in check this way far more than the folks who are doing the bulk of the ruining of the world. If, for example, J.K. Rowling looked inward for a moment, she would realize her heart does not pass inspection and maybe she’d do some things differently. She’d probably stop throwing money and support behind the world’s cruelest transphobes and would likely include less antisemitism in her children’s books as well. (Forget the gold-hoarding goblins. She named the worst guy in the whole universe “Mort.”)

But wait!!! I am not trying to absolve anyone from the obligation to make the world a better place because you’ve done appropriate hand-wringing. No one can do that (especially not while we are *ahem* between Popes). But reflection on the issue of “What the hell am I doing with my life?” is worthwhile. And you can honestly say: “I’m doing creative work that I think will be of comfort and use to people!” Great! That is huge! And if you feel like that’s not enough, you can do more too!

Most people (myself very much included) do not have the capacity to fight fascism 24/7. We need sleep and snacks and sometimes to read a book about tarot or (as I’ve been told is popular) sexy dragons running their tails seductively along people’s lips. It’s good to do something small and nice for others, especially if you’re not talking over people doing BIG good things or pushing them out of the way. We’ve all got to do what we can, and that takes lots of different shapes, even and especially during a period of *winces, goes back to bed and pulls covers over head for an extra hour* this current deluge of bullshit.

We’re all in this together. (Despairing.)
But, more importantly, we’re all in this together. (Hopeful.)

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Video Dave - “Jay’s Appliance Repair”

Longtime newsletter readers know that I am a big fan (and friendly acquaintance) of Video Dave. His new album is very good, and this is my favorite song off of it. The beat is so breezy and bouncy. You can close your eyes and imagine yourself on a boat or a beach. Or, if you are already one of those places, you will feel like you’re your boatiest, beachiest self. Dave also lays out a maxim that I personally subscribe to but never had the words for: “I cannot hang with you if I cannot complain with you.” Perfect. Gotta leave room for some grievances at any social engagement.

[Editor’s note: I removed a second song from this post that was released without the artist’s approval and wasn’t quite exciting enough to warrant defying their wishes.]

UPCOMING SHOWS

I’m kind of busy the next couple of weeks, but I’ll still be onstage!

5/4: 54/54/54 at 54 Below (Manhattan)

5/13: Friends With Caveats at Caveat (Manhattan)

5/16: Defector WNBA Season Kickoff Show at Littlefield (Brooklyn)

5/19: Co-hosting Frankenstein’s Baby at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

6/1: What’s New? at Union Hall (Brooklyn…EARLY SHOW!)