#136. Weed Bodegas and You
Farewell to history's most colorful legal grey area.
Hi everyone,
Last week was the most “What a week.” week in quite some time. Maris and I tried to attend a protest on Saturday, but we showed up too early, and it was raining pretty steadily, so we went to get coffee and came back half an hour later to the Brooklyn protest site which was mostly a single gazebo and some overflow. It didn’t seem like they had permitting to use an amplifier, because we could not hear what the people twenty feet ahead of us were cheering for. It was slightly demoralizing to attend a protest that was overshadowed in intensity and attendance by the adjacent farmers’ market. An extremely nouveau Brooklyn folly. Honestly, I have no one to blame but myself. The protests across the country were historic, and I missed out on the feeling of history because I thought I could get it without taking the train into Manhattan.
Aside from that, I got to see my friend Megan Greenwell launch her new book about private equity (even hearing her talk about it made me want to punch that Wall Street bull statue in its big metal face). I enjoyed a great reading to benefit the Freya Project to benefit abortion access for people in Iowa. I saw James Acaster’s new work in progress show, which I loved. I brought my friend Robert who had never seen Acaster before and our minds were blown in very different ways! And hey while we’re here, how about a big shoutout to the Vox Media team for winning a new union contract and to my friend Helen Rosner for winning a James Beard Award for her profile of (person I know but whom I think it would be presumptuous to call a friend) Padma Lakshmi!
Most excitingly, I got to see my friend Erin Judge’s movie Queens of the Damned as part of the TriBeCa Film Festival. Erin is one of my oldest friends in comedy, and she was one of the first working comics to be nice and helpful to me. She’s so funny and smart, and she co-wrote this movie with Tina Romero (who also directed the film and whose father is George Romero). Sitting in a theater during Pride (capital P) and hearing the crowd go wild for this big gay drag queen zombie movie, I was so so so proud (lowercase p) of my friend’s accomplishment. QotD won the festival’s Audience Award, which makes total sense because it got so many big laughs and cheers in the theater. I was really overwhelmed with joy to get to experience it that way.
I got to read an early version of the Queens of the Dead script, and it’s so cool seeing how it shaped up and came to life thanks to the hard work of Erin and Tina and their whole team. They made the film on a SUPER tight budget, and the cast is incredible. I feel so encouraged by the fact that this movie exists and was made by so many wonderful people working hard towards a common goal together.
Also, Happy Belated Fathers’ Day! My great friend (and great occasional editor) Gabriella Paiella tasked me with investigating why dads watch tv standing up for GQ, and it was a really fun project to dig into. Sadly, I didn’t give enough due to dads who are afraid of falling asleep if they sit down, but I did get a lot of fascinating answers. (The man pictured above is not my dad, he’s simply a dad.)
For those of you who are not Nebula subscribers (still not 100% sure what that is or where to become one) my Abolish Everything segment (I chose “Abolish Confidence” as my topic) is now available on YouTube. The show was SUCH a blast, and the whole team was a ton of fun to work with. I invite you to enjoy these few minutes of jokes and maybe share them with a friend if you have a nice time.
If you would like to see me back on the show, you can vote for me to return on a special Season 2 episode by going here by June 30th. I’d like that very much!
And since there’s nowhere else that feels quite right to put this semi-announcement, the new podcast I’m co-hosting premieres tonight! I’m excited but I can’t say much more than that right now. More info next week though!
And! Finally! Maris announced her book tour for I Want To Burn This Place Down last week! The book comes out on 7/1 (but you can preorder it now)! Maris’s essays are wonderful. She writes with such warmth and generosity while retaining the uncompromising force of her ideas. It’s a great read, especially for anyone who has become disillusioned with the things they were brought up to believe were the pillars of society (and especially especially in the 80s and 90s). I’m going to be interviewing Maris in Cambridge, MA on July 2nd, and I’ll also be at the Brooklyn, LA, and (probably) Catskill events. I hope to see you there! And I hope she sees you at the events I can’t be at! I’ll be kicking around LA for a few days doing podcasts and maybe standup as Maris continues on her tour. See you there, Los Angeles friends?!
(I’ve got to miss tonight’s Frankenstein’s Baby show at Union Hall in Brooklyn, but it’s a great lineup, and you should check it out if you can!)
PEP TALK FOR WEED BODEGAS
The era of the weed bodega in New York City was brief but spectacular. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, here’s a quick bit of history: Recreational marijuana was legalized in New York State in 2021, but because of various regulations and goals, it took a couple of years for honest-to-goodness dispensaries to populate NYC storefronts. In the meantime, weed bodegas, dubiously legal marijuana-vending establishments popped up to semi-fill the void. (At their height, five or so of these spots sprung up within ten blocks of my apartment over six months.)
Because these establishments weren’t technically sanctioned by state law, they all felt like what a store would look like if a drug dealer kind of boldly set up a brick and mortar outpost, except without a weed guy’s usual sense of professionalism. They were all lightly sketchy and staffed by people who seemed to know very little about the product they sold while also giving off the impression that they used quite a bit of it. Often, they were unable to restock in-demand products entirely. (“What kind of gummys do you have?” “None.” “Okay.”) Every weed bodega was aesthetically heinous, as if they got their awnings and light fixtures exclusively as Spencer’s Gifts. They had names like “Papa Kapow” and “Zoot!!!” and were painted with what someone who had never been on a subway train would think was authentic graffiti. Many featured elements like Rick and Morty from Rick and Morty ripping a bong together, which is inappropriate because Morty is literally a child.
Forget the merits of marijuana vs. liquor, but you’d never see a liquor store with a cartoon of Homer Simpson getting drunk and choking the hell out of Bart. It’s a bad advertisement for the product. I’m not even a big weed guy. Last year around this time I failed at being a “two hits of a joint before bed instead of a cocktail” person, and I’m still trying to become an “occasional edible before bed” guy. I do think a little tin of weed candies is easier to bring as a party offering than a bottle of wine, depending on the party though. “No rambunctious cartoons!” is just good branding advice, imo!
Now the actual dispensaries are popping up with greater frequency, pushing you—weed bodegas—to the margins. After all, when people can go into a cozy store called like “Higher Altitude” or “The Kind Bar (No Relation To The Energy Bars)” or whatever, the brazen bootleggeries must be seeing the writing on the wall. The legit spots are much cozier. They have a classic Apple Store setup for purchases, and all their branding makes the stores seem from the outside like the kinds of places where you walk in and pay $125 for a clay spatula. It’s a much more soothing vibe.
To you, weed bodegas, I want to say thanks for doing the best you could with the tools at your disposal (namely, access to moderately large stores of medium quality weed and enough up front capital to rent out a small retail space from a landlord who doesn’t ask too many questions). You provided some of the reliability of a storefront with some of the convenience of “having a guy.” You’re in your twilight years now, as you’ve become basically convenience stores that only sell a few varieties of imported chips, Gatorade, and lighters. But your reign as New York City’s grey market will linger on in our memories. We will not forget you, Papa Kapow.
PEP TALK FOR A READER
I did a little light tweaking to the format and syntax of this request! That’s all!
Midlife career change to become a schoolteacher here. The masters program needed for a license starts next week. It’s my first time back in school in years; gotta get back in the rhythm.
- School Dazed
As always, I’m extremely psyched whenever a request tees up a classic “you’ve got this” pep talk. And this week’s newsletter presents me with just such an occasion. Obviously, I appreciate when people have the confidence in me to write in from places of deep distress. I try to be as encouraging as possible in those situations. But this week’s letter is a layup. No, it’s an alley-oop that I can catch by jumping off a trampoline. And who wouldn’t like to dunk off a trampoline every once in a while?
Let’s go through the details:
You’re studying to become a schoolteacher, which is a generous and noble goal. So that’s a hell yeah just based on your intent right there. You are definitely not just doing this for the money or prestige; we notoriously underpay and undervalue teachers, and schools have become the focus of absolute maniacs looking to put their stamp on civic life by banning books and even individual words (the component parts of books). So let’s assume that you’re (in the parlance of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette) here for the right reasons.
You don’t appear worried about the (necessary, arduous) work of teaching itself. Just getting into a groove with your upcoming studies. Well, I’ve got some good news for you: You’ve already done school. And you liked it enough that you’re going back there to earn the permission to spend the next couple of decades in classrooms. So it seems like you’re not only an expert in the topic of school, but an enthusiast as well. Sounds like the best of both worlds (with no due respect to the Jay-Z and R. Kelly collaborative album by that title) to me.
Congratulations on this exciting new endeavor. You’re well set up to thrive, and the best part is that the more you invest in your career as an educator, the better it is for other people too. That’s not the same with all hard work. Marathon training, for one thing, functions very differently. Putting your heart and soul into it can be very rewarding for you and more of an annoyance to those around you. But a devoted teacher casts ripples throughout the future. (Being a bad teacher has a similar effect, but those ripples are resentments. SO BE WARNED! Kidding but…)
You’re working hard for your best future and for the best futures of so many people you haven’t even met yet. As I said above: You’ve got this. (Perhaps I could have stopped there, but as regular readers know, I rarely do.)
PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Tennis Elbow - Love Me More*
Tennis Elbow is the witty and heartfelt music project of Ryan from the goofy and hilarious comedy music group (and That’s Marvelous favorite) Two Tree Hill. Part of TTH’s success comes from the fact that they’re excellent musicians and songwriters on top of being very funny. I loved hearing what that sounds like with a less direct imperative to make people laugh on Ryan’s newest EP Sum Summer Summest. “Love Me More*” (the * in the song title indicates *at all) is about all the concessions someone with no sense of boundaries or self might make to convince an uninterested party to love them back. It’s got kind of a “No One Else” by Weezer vibe (in that it’s lyrically toxic but also honest and catchy) which is fun. If you can’t relate to someone cheerfully/desperately vowing “my favorite song is your favorite song” were you ever really in your 20s?
UPCOMING SHOWS
I’m out and about in NYC a whole bunch coming up, plus a few shows on the road!
6/16: Comedy Cellar (Manhattan)
6/18: Minibar (Brooklyn)
6/19: Comedy Cellar (Manhattan)
6/25: Fighting Words at Caveat (Manhattan)
6/26: Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! Taping (Portland, ME)
6/27: STANDUP SPECIAL POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT PREMIERES
7/2: In Conversation w/ Maris Kreizman at the Harvard Bookstore (Cambridge, MA)
7/21: Hosting Frankenstein’s Baby at Union Hall (Brooklyn)
7/26: Borscht Belt Comedy Festival (Ellenville, NY)
7/27: Sup, Bro? at Union Hall (Brooklyn)
8/8: State Theater for Guster On the Ocean Festival (Portland, ME)
I was very excited to see Maris listed in the upcoming calendar of my local-ish bookstore a few weeks back and I thought, "Hey, I know her!" though of course I don't know her at all nor do I even know you, but it felt like a thrill nonetheless.