#137. Anyone Too Young To Remember 9/11 and You

I "love" the 2000s!

Hi everyone,

I’ve been talking more than usual lately, which to people who have known me for a long time may seem impossible. I’ve been doing my usual standup shows, singing songs to my dog, and socializing, of course. Then there’s my new gig co-hosting Pillow Talk, a nightly talk show for the Hatch+ app that’s designed for people to fall asleep to. It’s been a fun project figuring out how to have conversations that are legitimately funny and compelling, but also tonally geared towards the listeners not staying awake until the end. The producers have a very clear vision for the show, which has been enormously helpful! I’ve really enjoyed getting to know my co-hosts (Kristen, KP, Jacquis, Matt, and Sophia) better through chatting on mic with them.

Let us put you to sleep (in a chill way not a medical way).

And here’s a little clip of me talking from my new standup special Positive Reinforcement which premieres on Friday!!! This is the first footage we’ve shared, and I am really psyched that it’s out in the world now! (It’s also on Bluesky and TikTok if those platforms are more your speed.) Again, we made this special without the backing of a big platform, and anything you can do to spread the word (sharing a post, talking about it in your own newsletter, spray painting POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT on an underpass) is much appreciated.

blondemedicine

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The full special premieres Friday night on Blonde Medicine’s YouTube channel at 8pm eastern time. I’ll be in the chat watching along and maybe giving some pep talks there too. I think it’s fun to treat it like appointment viewing. CLICK HERE for a reminder to watch the special when it’s available!

Last week I recorded a couple of episodes of the aforementioned Pillow Talk, plus two interviews with Boston-based media outlets, plus three other podcasts. On top of that, I sat down with Jeff Foxworthy (well, over Zoom, but we were both sitting) to talk about standup for his SiriusXM show. Several friends had mentioned to me beforehand that Jeff is an extraordinarily warm and gracious person, and even with that preamble, I was blown away by his kindness and enthusiasm as an interviewer. The hour we spent together flew by, and I got to tell Jeff how influential his comedy was for me as a kid.

When I was maybe ten years old, my dad got a subscription to the BMG Music Group, a thing that will make no sense to anyone ten years younger than me. Basically, if you’ve never heard of this organization (or if like me you’re old enough that it’s a dim twilight memory), BMG advertised something like twelve CDs or cassettes of your choosing for a penny (plus a usurious amount of shipping and handling, if memory serves) and then they’d mail you just…some other album once a month until you told them to knock it off.

My dad let me make a few selections of my own and let me choose a few albums as well, and because I didn’t have a ton of access to comedy specials back then, I picked Ellen Degeneres’s Taste This, Bill Cosby’s Greatest Hits (at my dad’s suggestion), and Jeff Foxworthy’s You Might Be a Redneck If… to receive in the mail. I think my parents’ guidelines were that they the albums had to be clean and could not have been made by someone who was known at the time as one of America’s most reviled sex criminals. (The second part was more of an unspoken thing.)

So, Jeff Foxworthy imprinted early on my kid brain as One Of The People Who Are Comedians. (It was those three, plus Adam Sandler, George Carlin, Monty Python, and probably Chris Farley.) Last week, he took my compliment graciously and told me a great story about how when he was still working a day job, Steven Wright was the person who told him he should do standup full-time. I’m not a big “signs from the universe” guy but wow what a sign from the universe that must have felt like. (I guess “Here’s your sign…” is more of a Bill Engvall thing, but still!)

The interview will air a few more times on SiriusXM, and then I think it’ll stay available on their app. My parents listened to it and thought it was very nice, if that makes a difference to you.

I’m a little self-conscious about saying the same things in interviews over and over, but I have tried to assure myself that almost no one (except for the aforementioned parents and maybe my in-laws) will read or listen to all these interviews I’m doing. That said, if you do want to hear me talk, you’ll have nearly-unlimited opportunities to do that in the near future. This week alone I’ll be back on Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me, and appearing on CBS Mornings (8-10am Wednesday) and The Weekend: Primetime on MSNBC (Saturday evening) assuming that I’m not bumped by some horrendous and unexpected news, which is certainly possible.

In terms of talking I did a little while ago that’s available for you to hear now: This week I returned to the All Fantasy Everything podcast to draft Jobs That No Longer Exist. Thanks to the guys for having me back so quickly! And thanks to their fans for being so nice about my appearances on the show! I have the BEST time riffing with Ian, David, and Sean! (Video version below!)

And I appeared on the Cancel Me, Daddy podcast to talk about the time AI thought ("thought”) I was married to Fiona Apple (a familiar story to newsletter readers). Also a blast! (Video below!)

I’m also starting to book some tour dates for the fall which is exciting if you want to hear me talk in person. (There will be lots of new jokes that do NOT appear in this special, but maybe not QUITE a whole new set of them yet. It’s getting there though!)

Also real quick for New York City residents who haven’t voted early in the Democratic primaries, I wanted to put in another quick plug for ranking Brad Lander and Zohran Mamdani #1 and #2 on your ballot in some order and NOT ranking Andrew Cuomo anywhere. (My ballot will likely be rounded out by Adrienne Adams, Zellnor Myrie, and Michael Blake.)

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I really try not to be a mark for any politician saying the things I want to hear, but I appreciate the way Lander and Mamdani have geared their campaigns towards talking about how life can be better and safer and healthier for all New Yorkers. Cuomo mostly seems to be pitching himself as the city’s mean dad. The above video of Lander talking about solidarity between Jews and Muslims (during a week when he was detained by ICE for advocating for the rights of a migrant living in NYC) really hit me. I always love to see examples of Jews standing in solidarity with other groups who need it! (Fix your heart, Debra Messing!!!)

Okay that’s enough of that. Let’s keep it moving…

PEP TALK FOR ANYONE TOO YOUNG TO REMEMBER 9/11

“A second generation of forever wars has hit the Middle East, sir.”

This really sucks shit, huh? Here we are, nearly twenty-four years after the September 11th attacks and twenty-two years after that tragedy was used as a pretense to invade an unrelated country. Over the weekend, the U.S. bombed Iran based on…I don’t know…smoking that last bit of 9/11 resin at the bottom of the bowl?

Ostensibly, Donald Trump ordered the strikes on Iran’s nuclear sites for the sake of preventing the country from developing atomic weapons, which I’m sure Iran will take in stride. Historically, when one country bombs another, the bombee usually throws up their hands and says: “Welp! You got us!” No further conflict necessary. And certainly those strikes hit exactly the kinds of targets we were told they did with no other damage done. No one would ever lie about Weapons of Mass Destruction!!!

Wait, to use a pre-2001 idiom: “NOT!” This is a scary and arguably unconstitutional escalation of military force that will likely be met with retaliation. No good will come of it, and lots of bad might! Unless you are wildly racist and don’t think of people from other countries as fully human (lots of folks, apparently) or you own a missile-making kiosk that has a DoD contract (way fewer people) there is nothing in this for you. Rolling Stone has already reported that the bombings were carried out more on vibes than on military intelligence, and it’s exciting to know that the U.S. government’s policy is to blow up buildings across the world for the same reason one might get bangs or move a couch to the other corner of the living room.

If you are too young to remember the invasion of Iraq, it was also extraordinarily stupid and evil. (

Max Read

got into exactly how stupid it was in a recent newsletter, which is well worth your reading.) The Bush administration spent over a year tricking people into thinking that war with Iraq was necessary and would be brief. Many were still not convinced. History has of course vindicated the skeptics.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the Trump administration has dispensed with the work of manufacturing consent (another manufacturing sector he’s failed to bring back to U.S. soil smdh). There was barely a hint of pre-bombing foreplay. If Noam Chomsky were to write a book about the run up to this military action, it would be called Are You Even Going To Spit On It, Dude? (sorry, mom). The post facto justifications have started emerging from both the Trump administration itself and from especially gutless media members. They are going to try to make you feel insane for opposing the slaughter of people halfway around the world. You don’t have to let them. We are (with great respect to The Chicks and their outspokenness) not letting people go out like The Chicks this time (by that I mean we’re not going to let people get pushed out of public life for being right and reasonable). Millions opposed the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, but those wars had a head start on the public because Americans were sad and scared, and the ghouls around George W. Bush did the legwork of frothing those who could be frothed into a frenzy of “freedom.” That’s not the case now, and we should keep that in mind.

We don’t have to let this shit happen quietly, and we certainly don’t have to pretend (or be convinced) that a new war is a good thing. You can feel firm in your instincts and moral courage knowing that a sundowning real estate tycoon with six cockroaches for braincells is not actually a liberator or a tough-but-fair decision maker. His domestic policy is so ruthless that two weeks ago I had the passing thought: “Maybe things we’ll get so out of hand that we’ll get invaded by another country with with a better human rights record, and we’ll get universal healthcare out of it.” A completely deranged inkling, and one brought on by Stephen Miller, who it brings me no pleasure to declare my Wario.

The idea of war is terrifying. The reality of the violence it entails is stomach-turning, even in “victory” whatever that means here. The pep talk is that you don’t have to listen to anyone who says otherwise. You’re right and they’re wrong.

PEP TALK FOR A READER

This request gets right to the point so I left the text basically unaltered.

I have no motivation and no joy and am angry, anxious, sad and frustrated all the time.
- Nopeamine

This is a tough situation. One one hand, the world is full of things to feel angry, anxious, sad, and frustrated about. We’ve hit a true “if you’re not mad, you’re not paying attention” era.

But, to contradict myself immediately, there are so many other places you can land on the paying attention vs. emotional state spectrum. For example, some people are paying attention and happy. Those people have bad opinions and raw sewage where their hearts should be, but they exist! Conversely, many people are paying attention and feeling hopeful because they’re doing their best to change the status quo. Other people are paying attention but they just shared an ice cream cone with a loved one while looking at a sunset so let them have five minutes of joy before they go back to feeling despairing or resolute or befuddled or furious or whatever their resting state may be.

Also, many people are NOT paying attention and are still mad. Worst of both worlds if you ask me. If you don’t have any idea what’s going on in the world, you should at least have the decency to feel psyched about it.

Diversity of one’s specific emotional response to the situation aside, now more than ever we are aware of the numerous and relentless reasons to feel bad. No need to catalog them for you. I am not the news. Chances are you don’t come here to learn about ongoing horrors. You come here for a reprieve from them, which we all need and deserve. Asking someone how they can go to the movies or have a birthday party at a time like this is a little like asking: “How can you eat that donut when kale exists?” Maybe I had kale earlier, okay? Or maybe I’ll have some later! I know about vitamins already!!!

Anger, anxiety, sadness, frustration…that’s the easy part to reckon with. Easier, at least, in that I can’t imagine a person not feeling that way at least a little bit sometimes. The heavier part to navigate is the total lack of joy and motivation. That part’s a real problem, and it makes me worry that I’m out of my depth here. Sometimes feeling bad, that’s life. Never feeling good is a hard way to live.

I don’t know what your current regimen for mental healthcare is, whether it’s yoga and an SSRI or simply carbs and prayers. But whatever it is, I bet it could be fortified further. I don’t say this out of judgement or as a diagnosis. I am so stupid and am woefully unqualified for most jobs, never mind doctor. I don’t know what services you’ve tried or that you even have access too. But I do know that as an outsider, it sounds like you could use a little more care if that’s possible to find.

This may sound like a dull and basic thing to say, but I offer it in hopes of countering the popular sentiment that it’s wise or virtuous to allow the bleakness to seep into all the crevasses of your brain, submerging your thoughts in thick grey sludge. Is it unavoidable to feel some stress? Of course. But disallowing opportunities for joy (or surrendering to the inevitability of anhedonia) doesn’t do you any favors either. I’m not suggesting a bootstraps approach to mental health (“just stop thinking the sad thoughts”); I’m just suggesting that pursuing whatever services are within your grasp is a beautiful gift to give yourself.

And maybe it has felt like circumstances are hopeless or that feeling bad all the time (the Reverse Kramer) is unavoidable or even somehow right. But there is more out there for you, and you are worth marshaling as much effort as you can towards finding it. At the very least, maybe you’ll find some stuff that’s worth paying attention to and won’t exclusively make you mad.

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Defcee - “Lord Costanza the Third”

I learned about Defcee from a recent Hearing Things newsletter that shouted out his new album Other Blues. (Check out Hearing Things if you’re looking for great independent music coverage!) Other Blues is jazzy and meditative, perfect late night songs for driving around or taking the subway during the wee running-local hours. “Lord Costanza the Third” (from a previous album) is, admittedly, more of a novelty. But the quality of the rhymes, the deep cut Seinfeld references, and shimmering keys over staggering drums has kept it in my headphones all week. “Feast your eyes on the guy/Chicken salad on rye/Tell the truth ‘til it’s inconvenient then snap into a lie.” Come on, now. That’s a good time.

I also imagine I’m going to be listening to Ted Leo and the Pharmacists’ Iraq War-era ripper Shake the Sheets a lot coming up for reasons that we’ve already covered.

UPCOMING SHOWS

I’m out and about in NYC a whole bunch coming up, plus a few shows on the road!

6/25: Fighting Words at Caveat (Manhattan), Comedy Cellar (Manhattan)

6/26: Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! Taping (Portland, ME)

6/27: STANDUP SPECIAL POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT PREMIERES

6/28: MSNBC (I think?)

7/2: In Conversation w/ Maris Kreizman at the Harvard Bookstore (Cambridge, MA)

7/12: Bushwick Comedy Club

7/21: Hosting Frankenstein’s Baby at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

7/26: Borscht Belt Comedy Festival (Ellenville, NY)

7/27: Sup, Bro? at Union Hall—5pm show—(Brooklyn)

7/31: Radegast Hall and Biergarten

8/8: State Theater for Guster On the Ocean Festival (Portland, ME)

9/13: Headlining the Fairfield Comedy Circle (CT)