Hi Everyone!
I’ve been (mostly) home for a week, and we in the Gondelman-Kreizman household have been doing the important work of catching up on tv we’ve missed. In advance of Succession/Yellowjackets premiere weekend, we have enjoyed our backlog of Bob’s Burgers, Abbott Elementary, and Grand Crew (a super charming ensemble comedy on NBC/Peacock if you haven’t checked it out!!).
We’ve also been making our way through History of the World: Part II on Hulu. I honestly can’t tell how good it is, because I’m just so happy to have new Mel Brooks in my life. I read his memoir All About Me! last year and loved it even though every chapter was like: “We tried to make the kind of movie no one had ever made before…AND WE DID IT! A RESOUNDING SUCCESS!” From 99% of celebrities, that tone would have made me heave the book through a window! But Mel Brooks deserves the world!!!! Let him have his victory lap!!! A top three career regret for me is that I once left a fancy Hollywood party (one of the very few I’ve been to) early, and Mel Brooks arrived after I was gone, and my friend Scott got to meet him!!! (I am happy for Scott…I guess.) HOTW:PII is fast and silly and dirty and Jewy and has a zillion great little appearances by great comedic performers. It feels like the kind of thing that doesn’t get made anymore, and I really miss the classic, schticky rhythms of this genre of comedy. I am very glad it exists, and I’ve been enjoying watching it!
ALSO!!!! I’ve been saying for a couple of weeks that I’d have new tour dates soon, and to adapt a scene from the movie Spaceballs: SOON HAS BECOME NOW! This spring and summer, I’ll be back on the road I’ve listed my full upcoming schedule (with ticket links) at the bottom of this newsletter, but in case you don’t make it that far you can visit my website right now and get tickets for shows in Charlotte, DC, San Jose, St. Louis, Indianapolis, Seattle, Spokane, Philadelphia, and Wilmington, NC! Soon you’ll also be able to get tickets for shows in Los Angeles, Cincinnati, Kansas City, Sacramento, Arizona, San Diego, Dallas, and Nashville! And maybe a few more! Who can say?
I’m really proud of the material I’ve been working on through the first leg of this tour, and it would mean a lot to me if you brought some friends out to hear my jokes when I’m in town! (Or come to a show alone! That is also great!) I would love for these rooms to be full of That’s Marvelous readers! My live shows are similar to the tone of the newsletter, but louder.
Hope to see you all there (everywhere)!!!!
PEP TALK FOR FLACO THE OWL
In case you aren’t up on your New York City avian fugitive news, Flaco, a Eurasian eagle-owl, escaped from the Central Park Zoo last month and has been living in Central Park (the non-zoo portion) as something of a local celebrity (the way people are excited to see Paul Giamatti out and about in Brooklyn). First of all, Flaco, incredibly bold move. This is like if when (spoiler alert) Andy Dufresne escaped from Shawshank Prison, he had rented a cottage in the town(?) of Shawshank where people could watch through binoculars for him to emerge to go grocery shopping. And second of all, judging from the picture, “Flaco” (Spanish for “skinny”) is an ironic name considering this owwwl is wwwide with three w’s like the world wide web.
It is unclear to me whether the Central Park Zoo is trying to recapture Flaco, or if it’s more of a “game recognize game” situation, and the zookeepers are impressed that he escaped. At first, though, there was some public worry that after years in captivity, Flaco would be ill-equipped to hunt his own food. Once again, Flaco, I tip my hat to you because you haven’t just been surviving; you’ve been thriving. I don’t know if you’re an especially bloodthirsty owl, or whether Central Park’s rat population has grown lazy and complacent with the overall lack of owls that aren’t locked up, but like a 12-seed that makes it to the Final Four in the NCAA tournament, you’re hanging in there long after people expected.
An additional similarity that Flaco shares with a March Madness Cinderella story is that people who weren’t aware of him six weeks ago are now obsessed! So much so that his newfound renown could possibly make it hard for him to find food. Not since the summer of Ben Affleck’s Dunkin’ Paparazzi Photos has our collective imagination been so captivated by a cultural icon just out there seeking nutrition. Come on, New Yorkers, we’re supposed to be cooler than this! When you see a celebrity, you go about your day as normal while quietly texting all your friends about how excited you are!
Flaco, I can imagine this is unnerving. The idea of strangers camped out to watch me and take pictures of me eating would make me want to consume all my nutrition intravenously or under a blanket (not an option for a bird, because he’d fall asleep I think). But, speaking as someone who gets recognized on the streets of New York approximately half a dozen times every year: It will be okay! You will, in time, get used to this new attention as well as your life’s second great irony, the fact that your freedom has brought increased surveillance upon you. But more importantly, soon the public will simply grow bored of you. Your constant presence in Central Park will grow less novel, just like how I seem to run into ***** ***** in my neighborhood once a month. Or a new fascination will occupy the city. Perhaps one of the Olsen Twins will launch a line of gourmet cigarettes, or Pete Davidson will start dating the Statue of Liberty. Soon you’ll be just another Manhattan fixture. Fran Lebowitz will complain that you’re not as interesting as you used to be. And you’ll be able to gulp down rats with the unselfconscious ease that the rest of us (hypothetically) feel as we devour cold leftover pasta with their fingers over the sink.
PEP TALKS FOR READERS
On Saturday night, I solicited pep talk requests on Twitter (because I still don’t have a better system) and a lot of people reached out! I’ll field as many as I can this week and get to the rest next Monday! Sorry for the delay! I have, as usual, made some minor edits to condense reader messages and to correct what I assumed were typos but may actually just be words I don’t know.
I could use a pep talk because my mom needs to have surgery on her heart and it’s kind of wigging me out! (If that’s not too dark for the newsletter.)
- Maria
Let’s get right to it: Nothing is too dark for this newsletter!!! (Readers, please do not take this as a challenge.) I don’t want to only write about trivial concerns, but there may be a cap on how helpful my pep talks can be when things feel bleaker. Your sports team lost in the playoffs? There’s always next year. You’ll be fine. Your mom is undergoing a serious surgery? …I’ll do my best!
It’s always scary when a loved one has health complications. But it’s good that she’s getting the treatment she needs and that she has people like you to look after her. It is incredibly natural to feel nervous about this situation, and would be weirder if you didn’t and simply said: “Modern medicine is very good! No need to give this a second thought!” Fortunately, modern medicine is very good, and your worrying doesn’t make that less true. It will feel stressful until it doesn’t, and then it won’t! You can be there for your mom and let people be there for you too.
Did this help? If not, maybe there is a limit to how dark we can get here after all!
Hi Josh - we’ve been away from home for a couple weeks and our pup (Shirley) has been in boarding, and seems stressed! Would really appreciate a pep talk. Also we’re back home in a couple days so we will be reunited!
- Prashant
This note pulls at my heartstrings (which sounds like a very Middle Ages way of describing veins and arteries). Hopefully your dog’s stress levels are not too high and maybe (maybe!) YOU are a little stressed about leaving your Shirley for such a long time, and you are putting a little of that on her. I worry constantly about my dog’s wellbeing when I am away from home, even though she is almost assuredly sleeping for 20-23.5 hours a day and then eating or enjoying local garbage aromas the rest of the time. Still, that stress also counts, and it’s okay to admit it!!! But your impending reunion with Shirley will be a relief to you both. You’ll feel better because she feels better, and you’ll also feel better because YOU feel better! That’s allowed!!! It’s good!
I would love a pep talk for me and my wife! Our eight-year-old dog Anna has some form of inoperable cancer, and could leave us at any time. We're just trying to make sure she's comfortable before we know it's time for her to go. My wife is the best and is taking this pretty hard, and could use some encouragement.
- G.
First of all, I’m so sorry to hear this bad news. Losing a beloved dog falls into the bad breakup category of misfortune where it’s incredibly impactful but also society makes almost no allowances for your sadness. Like, people are sympathetic, but you can’t really take too much time off of work or they get weird about it. I think that’s messed up! Feelings are feelings! And there are logistics to take care of as well! That’s no good either.
Amidst the sadness and paperwork, you can take heart in the fact that you gave Anna a good life, and she brought joy into yours. When a dog gets sick, it doesn’t dredge up complicated feelings. (“I wish I’d visited more! I should forgive her for how she yelled at me when I was in high school!”). It’s just love and ache. It will be hard, but a clearly defined type of hard.
The faintest flicker of comfort here is that unlike with a breakup or a dead grandparent, you’re allowed to get a new dog whenever you’re ready and form a new and different but also wonderful bond. Even if you’re only ready for a rebound (foster) dog at first, I’ve never heard of anyone regretting moving on too fast from a previous pet. And no one will even whisper rudely about it the way they do when someone gets remarried five weeks after being widowed. Anna’s memory will remain a blessing, and you’ll find comfort in a new animal companion when you and your wife feel up to it.
Also, Prashant, THIS is a stressful dog problem. (No, I know. Both are stressful.)
I deserve a promotion because my job got more way intense with no warning but I’m terrified to ask for it.
- Izzy
You do deserve a promotion (and a raise, which is not always a guarantee with a new title even though it should be)!!! It’s stressful to ask for what you deserve, though, and a lot of the time workplaces keep it that way so people don’t do it. I imagine you (like many people, myself included) dream of being one of the rare people who is recognized and rewarded for their hard work without having to toot their own horn like a tugboat. Unfortunately, a lot of bosses see their employees’ increased responsibility and productivity as found money, the same way I reacted when the ice maker in my freezer started working after years of not making ice. (Only in this case, the bosses are the ones going…hey, we are explicitly requiring you to start making ice again, freezer.)
As the old saying goes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease. But it’s not quite like that here, because it’s not complaining/squeaking to point out that you’re doing more than before and deserve recognition and compensation. To continue this kitchen appliance metaphor for some reason, the saying in this case should be: The dishwasher with a little chime at the end of a wash cycle makes people realize it washed the dishes like you told it to. You did the time, and you can do the chime!!! (Is that anything? It definitely rhymes, which makes it feel like something even if it isn’t.)
I guess you could just say I’m experiencing "so much all at once." Both of my kids are, as they say, going through it, which is hard on all of us, plus the job hunt... whew, Mama is tired.
- Mama
I’ll say it: That’s too much stuff! In the words of the title of that one Nancy Meyers movie…something’s gotta give. Fortunately, something will! They call it “going through it” not “staying in it forever” because eventually they will get, well…through it! And eventually your job hunt will end with you tracking down a job, snaring it in a trap, and dragging it home to provide sustenance for your family. You’ve got this, even if the only thing you can do for now is go through it until you’re through it.
Hi Josh! I am in my mid-twenties and have been on dating apps for a little while now with mixed success, but it’s hard not to feel discouraged.
- Anonymous
Okay, first of all, mixed success is the second most success possible after consistent success!!! You are already doing pretty well! (And frankly, I’d be terrified to meet a person who claims to get everything they want out of every dating app interaction. HOW? I don’t even get everything I want out of every takeout order!!!) Think of all the situations in life where you allow that mixed success clearly feels like a step in the right direction: mastering new hobbies, taking on new responsibilities at a job, my dog only pooping in the house sometimes (she’s very old).
As the brilliant essayist Maris Kreizman (to whom I am married, in full disclosure) once wrote, and I’ve linked to in this newsletter before, finding the right relationship kind of just happens when it happens.
So, on one hand, it feels bad to not get what you want. But on the other hand, mixed success isn’t evidence that you’re doomed to fail, it’s proof that something is going right, just not quite right enough yet. That knowledge might not be helpful or actionable, but that’s not what I’m here for! I’m here to tell you that things aren’t as hopeless as they may feel, and in this case…they definitely aren’t!
I am an open mic comedian in Baltimore and I’ll take that pep talk if ya got one. I just started my Barista job after getting let go from a cushy [position elsewhere], the coffee and open mic grind is hard!
- Kevin
There are lots of reasons why open mics are hard. One is that you’re probably not (yet) very good at comedy, and you’re performing alongside other people who aren’t (yet) very good at comedy. An open mic is where you bring a delusion and turn it into a. Art or b. Everyone else’s problem. The better you get at writing/telling jokes, and the better shows you get to perform on, the less of that particular grind you’ll have to deal with. Although, that said, the starting out time in comedy can be really fun despite or because of the inexperience! Everything is so new and there’s so much potential for growth and exploration and also for seeing people who are so delusional they make your creative ambitions feel positively rational.
A big part of who gets to make art in the long term is who has the ability and/or privilege to balance it against the other facets of their life. In many ways, it’s not fair! Having to work a job that takes up too much time or energy to do the creative work you want to do is (I imagine) the grindier grind at play here. Putting your finger on that issue is a really great first step towards fixing it, or at least working around it. I don’t know your situation well enough to tell you exactly how to move forward, but I do know that every standup comedian who didn’t start off independently wealthy has dealt with a version of this problem, and I think that you too will be able to balance art and coffee if that’s what you want to/have to do in the medium-to-long term!
I think I could use a kind word. I was in a coma for ten days back in September, and the damage from intubation has left me with breathing trouble and a sore throat ever since. I can't stay on my feet for longer than 30 minutes, but the government seems to think that means I'm fully body capable of work. I still have nightmares from waking up in the middle of it.
- Johnny M.
Holy shit, not to be a downer, but just reading your message is going to give me nightmares. What a horrible thing to have gone through and to still be going through. Even though I imagine you can find a little solace in the fact that you are (presumably) unkillable and destined to live forever after surviving this misfortune, the expectations you’re facing must be incredibly stressful in light of the way your recovery has gone.
They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger*, and clearly that’s not always true. But what’s for sure true is what doesn’t kill you doesn’t kill you. That may sound obvious, but it’s huge. You’ve overcome a LOT, and you’re still here. That doesn’t mean things are easy now; it means you are more resilient than anyone should have to be, and that you can get through this tough time too. Even if you’re not getting any big picture grace from the government, you still deserve it from yourself and probably can find it within the people close to you.
And if people still aren’t understanding, tell them that you’re basically legally a zombie and gnaw a hole in their head. You’ve earned it.
* sorry to invoke a second cliche in the space of a single newsletter
PICK-ME-UP SONG: Jim Boggia - “Made Me So Happy”
Jim Boggia is another artist I saw during my time at sea (working on a cruise for one single week, but it’s more fun to say it that way). This song belongs in the canon of “songs about the song that’s currently being performed” like “Your Song” by Elton John or “Tribute” by Tenacious D. I’m an easy mark for a song about itself. I get got the way a four-year-old is susceptible to a “Got yer nose!” “Oh shit! That song is THIS song??!??!” I’m also a sucker for for a song about another song like “Love Song” by Sara Bareilles or the part of the “Boyz-in-the-Hood” remix when Eazy-E raps about playing one of his own songs and then starts rapping that song in the middle of the other song. Charlie Kaufman could stand to learn a thing or two from him!
“Made Me So Happy” is about feeling good, too good to write a sad song, and then writing this song about that feeling. I know a lot of artists who worry (or have worried in the past) that feeling good will make it impossible to create art, and this song addresses that anxiety in a sweet, tongue-in-cheek way. A perfect choice for this newsletter feature, in my opinion.
UPCOMING TOUR DATES
So here’s my full schedule coming up (with the exception of things I’m doing around New York City). A few more dates might fill in soon especially while I’m in Texas. I’m also trying for a Colorado date! If there’s a place you’d like me to hit that’s not on this list, let me know! I’m still working on the same hour-ish of material that I was touring at the end of last year, so I probably won’t come back to most of those cities until I’ve got new jokes to share.
3/27 - Josh Kantor’s 7th Inning Stretch at City Winery in Boston (short set on a fun show)
4/12 - Alexandra Petri Book Launch at Symphony Space (NYC)
4/20 - Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me Live Taping in Chicago (I am a panelist this time, not the host)
4/21-4/22 - Dead Crow Comedy in Wilmington, NC (Four Shows)
5/10 - Spokane Comedy Club
5/11-5/12 - Upper-Left Comedy Festival in Seattle
5/19-5/20 - Helium Comedy Club in Philadelphia (Three Shows)
5/31 - The Comet in Cincinnati
6/1 - Helium Comedy Club in Indianapolis (one show in a little room so grab tickets now)
6/2-6/3 - Helium Comedy Club in St. Louis (Four Shows)
6/4 - Kansas City Comedy Club (tickets available soon)
6/23-6/24 - Dallas Comedy Club (tickets available soon)
7/11 - San Jose Improv
7/12 - Sacramento Punchline (tickets available soon)
7/13 - Mic Drop Comedy in San Diego
7/14 - Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles (tickets available soon)
7/21-7/22 - Mic Drop Mania in Chandler, AZ
8/6 - DC Improv
8/8 - Zanies in Nashville (tickets available soon)
8/9 - Comedy Zone Charlotte
***** ***** - Ethan Hawke
Hey Maria! This week marks the one year anniversary of finding out my mom needed heart surgery, so I am right there with you. I am going to pass on the pep talk her surgeon gave me: “Hearts are the rare part of the body we understand pretty well. At the end of the day, hearts are pumps, and there is a limited universe of stuff that can wrong with pumps and we have checklists for coping with all the elements in that universe.” Also, if it is a surgery with major post op restrictions, here is a random life hack that worked on my mom. After her pre op appointment we toured her house with a pack of post its and I prompted her to mimic a bunch of activities of daily living as if the restrictions were in place, and then put post its on things that were no go like the chair in her bedroom and the shower door handle she used like a grab bar and the doors on the washer and dryer. I also moved things over her weight limit out of sight (iron, laundry detergent, heavier pans). It helped.
“They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger*, and clearly that’s not always true. But what’s for sure true is what doesn’t kill you doesn’t kill you.” -- This absolute gold. Love your perspective, as always.