#32. Orcas and You

What's black and white and seeing red all over?

Hi everyone,

It’s been quite a week over here! I had some great standup shows and great hangouts and great breakfast potatoes, not that that’s of especial interest to newsletter readers. Speaking of newsletter readers though: this very publication passed the 7,000 subscriber mark last week! Thanks to everyone who has read/subscribed to/shared That’s Marvelous in the months since its inception! I’m so thrilled that people seem to be enjoying it! It’s a lot of fun for me to write!

I packed in an unexpected amount of other stuff last week as well: On Tuesday I woke up at 4am to be on a picket line by 5am, and that night I went to my first New York Liberty game in person. Having lived in New York for nearly twelve (12) years, I’ve adopted the Liberty as my one (1) New York City sports team. They didn’t win, but people (myself included) were stressed out and depressed enough during the 4th quarter that it was an emotionally rich experience! I will return!

On Thursday I went to the big WGA rally on Broadway, which was very energizing and heartening. I met Mandy Patinkin thanks to the gracious introduction by the great writer/actor/friend Tami Sagher. I did not ask for a picture with Mr. Patinkin and his wife Kathryn because doing so always makes me extraordinarily self-conscious. My plan is just to remember that this happened. The rally featured performances by Broadway stars like Norbert Leo Butz who my parents loved on the show Debris which I recently learned is not the show Manifest, a different show my parents also loved, and Sara Bareilles (who I assume you’re aware of). Thursday night I went to a party celebrating the launch of the new issue of Cake Zine, which I have a short piece of writing inside. Everyone else the party was impossibly young and cool, so I did not stay for very long because I felt even more self-conscious than I did when meeting Mandy Patinkin (if you can imagine!!!). Then I went to a secret thing I can’t really talk about publicly, but I wanted to allude to for the sake of seeming impressive and mysterious!

ANYWAY!

This Wednesday (6/21) I’m performing at the Bricktown Comedy Club in Oklahoma City. I’ve only been to OKC once before, and I had a great time telling jokes. Can that night be topped? WE WILL SOON SEE! (Wednesday also marks the one year anniversary of the release of my standup special People Pleaser, which I remain proud of!)

Friday and Saturday (6/23-6/24) I’ll be at the Dallas Comedy Club for FOUR SHOWS, which might be TOO MANY SHOWS! So if you live in Dallas or know people in Dallas or have ever heard of Dallas, please spread the word!

Thursday I will be taking a long train ride between those two cities. It feels like I should learn to play the harmonica before I ride the rails through the south, but my secret belief is that I’d be very good at playing harmonica immediately upon picking one up.

(Also, I’ll be popping up on the Normal Gossip live show in Boston tomorrow/Tuesday, but that’s sold out! If you’re there though, say hi!)

PEP TALK FOR ORCAS

Orcin’ hard, or hardly orcin’?

Lately, there have been a more reports than usual about orcas attacking boats, and even capsizing a few of them. I imagine this is terrifying for the people on the boats and makes the whales feel like gods of the sea, a bunch of two-tone Poseidons. Some researchers think the whales are being playful, while others believe the activity is rooted in trauma from their past. And yeah, the second hypothesis makes me want to write a prestige limited series about orcas featuring a flashback episode about their fraught relationship with their parents that is fine but ultimately takes the audience out of the rhythm of the show’s narrative arc.

Many people, presumably those who don’t spend a lot of time at sea, have started rooting for the orcas to destroy boats belonging to the super-rich, prompting a writer for The Atlantic to assert that the whales are not our friends. Technically, that is true. It’s hard to make friends with whales. They never want to eat at the restaurants in our neighborhoods, and the songs they sing at karaoke are bizarre at best to our human ears. But what it’s important to remember is that the whales don’t owe us anything either.

So, orcas, I want to thank you for not sinking more boats. You show a remarkable amount of restraint by not beating the crap out of every ship you see. We didn’t ask you if you’re cool sharing the ocean with us! Why would we assume you are? You are generous not to tip over every dinghy you come across, shaking all the people out of their vessel and into your mouths like we humans do with potato chip crumbs.

Orcas, you are strong and powerful and often merciful even if it’s more coincidence than magnanimity when you don’t drown us. We make such a big deal out of the unknowability of the bottom of the sea, completely forgetting that we’re not in charge of the top part of that shit either. Thank you, orcas, for reminding us that we are guests in your big soggy house. It’s up to us to not get murdered by you. But maybe, if you are open to feedback, consider focusing your rage on the big expensive looking boats blasting EDM and reeking of champagne. That would be truly killer, whales.

PEP TALK FOR A READER

I’ve edited this pep talk request down just a little bit, but don’t worry the requester specifically told me I could!!!

I wondered if you would kindly consider my request for a pep talk. I don’t have anything super serious going on like some of the people who have been featured. I hope they are all doing better or feeling more hopeful.  I recognize how privileged I am and how much good fortune I’ve had. Really, this is a call for just a wee boost.

I have a lot going for me for which I am grateful but I’m feeling the grind. I have three kids, spouse, dog, home, job. Everything takes so much time and mental energy, leaving me feeling sapped at the end of the day. And frankly, in the morning as well. I wake up exhausted and drained. I can sometimes take a bit of time for myself but it involves careful planning and is subject to the whims of family and work.  I’m an introvert and find I need much more quiet/alone time than I can ever get to feel recharged.

- Wired Tired

W.T.! Even when things are, overall, going well, it’s not out of line to want (as you very charmingly called it) “a wee boost.” There’s so much that goes into being a person every day, even when you’re not facing any extraordinary challenges. You have to put on clothes and make sure your fingernails are a reasonable length and show up at specific places at previously determined times. You’re not allowed to commit tax fraud, even by accident. Most days, you probably won’t win an Oscar or make friends with a penguin. And with three kids and a job and a dog, that’s like a zillion more layers of obligation (even a loving obligation is an obligation) on top of the built-in breathing and sweating and trying not to fall down or get a stomachache!!!

You are not an ingrate because you acknowledge you are sleepy. You are not a bad parent or employee because you would like to curl up somewhere cozy and read a book or eat several slices of pizza unobserved or do some parkour (I don’t know how you relax). You don’t have to be subject to a rare and horrible flesh-eating virus, or an especially lengthy elementary school chorus concert to credibly feel worn down. Sometimes people feel out of sorts because they have slept too much or sat weird while driving a car. You don’t need to make excuses or apologize for the fact that your very fulfilling life is also very tiring.

I don’t know what the solution to this feeling is for you, but I DO know that even if you are in the 1% of feeling satisfied and grateful and loved and stable and #blessed, it is completely understandable that you are also sometimes/often groggy and scattered and depleted. Even if you feel unworthy for wanting it, you deserve that blissful, idyllic afternoon of (let’s stick with) parkour.

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK: Janelle Monáe - “Champagne Shit”

Janelle Monáe is one of the few current artists making extremely horny popular music, and I respect it. Horny music not the same thing as music with explicit sexual content (although there is overlap). Monáe is capable of that thing that Prince did where the song could be like “she went to the library/to check out a few books” and you’d be like “oh damn she’s gonna have sex in or with that library FOR SURE.” Anyway this song isn’t really about that. It’s mostly about being successful and feeling successful! I guess it’s sort of about being horny for success, but let’s not overthink it.

UPCOMING TOUR DATES

I’m in the middle of the second leg of my 1900s Kid Tour, and the first few dates are listed here! The rest of them so far are of course on my website!

6/21 - Bricktown Comedy Club in Oklahoma City

6/23-6/24 - Dallas Comedy Club (four shows)

7/9 - What’s New? at Union Hall in Brooklyn

7/11 - San Jose Improv

7/12 - Punch Line Sacramento

7/13 - Mic Drop Comedy San Diego

7/14 - Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles

7/30 - Co-headlining Colony in Woodstock, NY with Alison Leiby