#33. Disappointed Fans and You

There's no "I" in "team" and there's no "us" in it either.

Hi Everyone,

Last week, when I wasn’t compulsively consuming NBA trade and draft coverage, I had a pretty amazing split between touring on my own (thanks to everyone who came out in Dallas and Oklahoma City, even the drunk guy who made me sign his butt cheek) and doing fun creative things with friends. On Monday, I had a very fun time participating in a friend’s band’s new music video shoot with a lot of other pals, which I will be able to say more about soon! Then on Tuesday I took a train up to Boston to be the guest on one of two Normal Gossip live shows at the Wilbur Theater.

If you don’t know Normal Gossip, it is one of the greatest podcasts going. Host Kelsey McKinney walks through a mundane but ridiculous story of gossip sent in by a listener while a guest reacts in real time. Kelsey and producer Alex Sujong Laughlin do an amazing job putting the episodes together, and the live shows are unbelievably fun thanks to their work behind/in front of the scenes, and their incredibly generous and enthusiastic audiences. The Wilbur is also one of the best venues in the country. It’s a theater that holds over a thousand people but somehow feels really cozy and intimate. I’ve had the good fortune to perform there a few times thanks to people bringing me along, and it’s always so exciting.

I had such a nice time onstage with these two geniuses!!!

On my travels through the south, I even managed to find some Polar Seltzer in Dallas, which felt like finding an actual desert oasis. At first I worried it was a mirage, and when I went to twist the top off, I’d actually be trying to unscrew the foot of a CVS sales associate. Weirdly, the seltzer was being stored in a beverage refrigerator that seemed not to be turned on, so the bottles were room temperature, which is, of course, antisemitic.

Also: Audiences in OKC and Dallas raised over $600 for the Entertainment Community Fund to help workers whose livelihoods have been affected by the writers strike! (You can donate too if you’d like!)

Last thing before we really start! In a couple of weeks I’ll be in California for shows in San Jose (7/11), Sacramento (7/12), San Diego (7/13), and Los Angeles (7/14). The following week I’ll be in the Phoenix area on 7/21 and 7/22! I’d love to see you at a show if you’re nearby!

Plus, I’ve got my next semi-regular What’s New? show at Union Hall in Brooklyn on 7/9! Guest include DeAnne Smith, Julia Shiplett, and a cool surprise person! The show is at 5:30, so you’ve got plenty of time to get to bed early even after coming down from the rush of such a great evening out!

PEP TALK FOR FANS

Two now-former co-workers, goofin’ around a little.

Non-sports fan readers may be wondering about the image choice for this section of the newsletter. Marcus Smart (#36, pictured above) was traded by the Boston Celtics (a professional basketball team based in Boston, MA) for a giant man named Kristaps Porzingis who looks like maybe he once fought Rocky Balboa and (despite the general lack of recent coverage of this point) was accused of rape in 2019.

Marcus Smart (#36, pictured above) was my favorite player on the Celtics, my favorite basketball team. Despite having lived in New York for over a decade, I am substantially and thoroughly From The Boston Area. I am…embarrassingly dismayed about this basketball trade. It has provoked in me an emotional response that eclipses SEVERAL romantic breakups in my past and one or two deaths. As the meme says, men will literally etc. etc. instead of etc. etc.

I mention all this because 1. I am consumed by the NBA offseason to a degree that is, perhaps, unhealthy and has taken time away from things like “reading books” and “working on my standup act” and 2. A writer named Joanna who has some quibbles with how the USWNT (soccer version) is being run and wanted a pep talk for sports fans unhappy with their team’s management.

I am maybe too in it to offer that pep talk this week. But! As a compromise, I’ve written a pep talk for disappointed fans of…anything, whether you prefer sports or comic books or skincare products or ice cream flavors or solar eclipses. Here goes!

Sometimes it feels amazing to not like things. There’s an adolescent rush to blurting out “Donnie Darko is overrated!” or (as they do in my homeland) “Yankees suck!” But I’ll tell you what. It is a not a fun feeling to like something and then not like it. Maybe the thing got worse over time (classic example: Weezer) or maybe the thing was not as good as you used to think for one reason or another (for some people this is also Weezer). When that happens to me, I always feel tricked. Like, what a dumbass I was for investing time and energy into this art/person/sandwich that ultimately let me down. (For me, the sandwich that got away was the bbq reuben at Soulfire in Allston, MA, a restaurant that, in an act of betrayal against me personally, no longer exists.)

The complications of enjoying entertainment and sports and food and art and, well, everything, as an adult are numerous. It would be more fun to like things like a kid does. You’re in, or you’re out, and it’s based on YOUR whims, not the quality of whatever you’re evaluating. T-rex is the best dinosaur. No, actually, I don’t like t-rex anymore. T-rex is stupid. Stegosaurus is the best. I AM THE ARBITER OF MERIT!

Ultimately, the ability to experience disappointment says something good about your capacity for love. It means you know the difference between what matters to you and what doesn’t. It shows you have values and preferences, and that you haven’t made the mistake of investing unconditional love into something or someone that will never love you back. It reminds you to refocus on the actual relationships in your life and that anything that’s a business cares about money more than it cares about your feelings. Taco Bell does not care that you’re sad they changed their menu, unless enough people are sad enough to stop spending money at Taco Bell.

Sometimes things in decline get better again. A sports team isn’t subject to the law of entropy the way the universe or a human body is. (Unfair that the Cleveland Browns and the Nashville Predators can improve anytime while my back is just achy after a long plane ride now.) What we like isn’t part of us; it’s okay to let it fall away the way stages of a rocket drop off into space (or the way my elderly dog has just started pooping as she walks across the living room sometimes). And other times it’s okay to part ways with something that no longer serves you. Not every show that runs for 10 seasons has 10 good seasons, and the sooner we admit that, the happier we are.

Okay now I’m off to listen to my 10,000th NBA podcast of the week for the purpose of hurting my own feelings again.

PEP TALKS FOR READERS

I’ve done a little futzing around with the requests, as usual, but the intent of each one remains intact!

I’ve been working installing real estate posts for 12 years, and now I’m buying the business I work for. It’s one of those too good to be true deals that usually doesn’t happen to me. So I officially take over July 1st and on paper it’s a great deal. I will be making a lot more money. I have never had a lot of money and live check to check. I’m just nervous and scared I hired an accountant and he seems confident but Idk any words for someone having their first run of good luck at 40yo
- Chaze

Chaze! Congratulations on your exciting new professional endeavor! Buying the business you work for sounds extremely satisfying in an old-school way, like marrying your high school sweetheart, but for jobs. I think it also feels really remote in some industries where people work at companies with billion-dollar valuations, and you’re like…hmmm if I work here for ten million years, maybe I’ll be in charge someday! I hope the work itself is satisfying and your experience on the other side of things makes you a fair and compassionate boss!

Money-wise, I’m sure that your situation is extremely relatable to many readers. Unless you grow up being taught how to manage money, the system can be so opaque. And the pressure to play along feels unbelievably strong. Like: “Of course I know what a Roth IRA is, I didn’t grow up in a fuckin’ ditch.” But you don’t need your accountant to think you’re cool and smart. Accountants are (no offense) not the coolest people you know, and you are paying them to be smart on your behalf. It is okay to ask them questions! That’s what you’re paying them for! Even if the question is as elemental as: What, praytell…is money?

I’m not here to give advice. I’ve only really done it a couple of times in 33 weeks of writing this newsletter! But, “ask questions” is advice that applies almost uniformly. It is a great thing to do on dates and at museums and when talking to financial professionals. My friend Micah Sherman (who is an excellent improviser, actor, and writer) is the best question-asker I know. Whenever someone brings something up in conversation that he’s unfamiliar with, he politely interjects with something like: “Oh, I don’t know much about that! Could you tell me a little more, please?” And then the person literally always explains the thing they’d previously mentioned, and Micah knows what it is, and the conversation continues, and everyone is better for it. (If someone were to react otherwise, they would be acting like a dickhead!)

I am always trying to be more inquisitive when I’m feeling unsure or unfamiliar, but my natural inclination is to nod and be like: “Yeah, totally!” Why??? How come it’s so important to me to make a stranger think I know the plot of Die Hard 2??? In any case, the stakes in a situation like that are pretty low. But the stakes to not asking questions about your financial future are much higher. Even though it doesn’t always feel like it, you’re allowed to ask questions ranging from technical to shockingly basic. That’s what an accountant is for! They’re not teenagers or record store employees; they don’t exist to judge you!

Good luck with your new endeavor. And, while we’re on the subject of asking questions: What does “installing real estate posts” mean?

A pep talk please. My depression seems to have gotten pretty bad out of nowhere. Last night I found, for a short moment, that not even the thought of my kids (almost 7 and 8) felt like ‘enough’. Thankfully a tweet thread about it got me through that one. To make matters worse I don’t have anyone I feel like I can talk to about it. We don’t have any insurance (long story) and my husband, well, he’s part of the problem (my depression experience is of a biological nature but it can become worse when other things in my life aren’t going great).
- Momma Bear in Washington (the state, not the district)

Hi Momma Bear! Speaking of not giving advice, your request is way way way above my level of expertise. My pep talk for you is very straightforward: There is help out there for you. Whether it’s reaching out to people in your life who care about you, finding a therapist who accepts payments on a sliding scale, or figuring out if any medication you may be on may be cheaper without insurance, or another thing I’m not smart enough to know about!!!

I hope you are able to get yourself into a safe and healthy situation as quickly as possible! You deserve it and your kids deserve it! No jokes here, just earnest positive wishes!

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Charly Bliss - “You Don’t Even Know Me Anymore”

Well, well, well. The excellent band Charly Bliss put out new (non-Christmas) music for the first time in four years. It is a perfect poppy summer jam for bouncing back from a breakup (or any less than ideal circumstances). There are some great “na na nas” at the end and some very charming choreography in the video. Extremely enjoyable song. (Also I’ve heard a few other songs from their upcoming 3rd LP live, and they sound great!!!)

UPCOMING TOUR DATES

I’m in the middle of the second leg of my 1900s Kid Tour, and the first few dates are listed here! The rest of them so far are of course on my website!

6/27 - Pretty Major at Union Hall

7/9 - What’s New? at Union Hall in Brooklyn

7/11 - San Jose Improv

7/12 - Punch Line Sacramento

7/13 - Mic Drop Comedy San Diego

7/14 - Dynasty Typewriter in Los Angeles

7/21-7/22 - Mic Drop Mania in Chandler, AZ

7/30 - Co-headlining Colony in Woodstock, NY with Alison Leiby