#48. Big Skeletons and You

Some words of comfort for the literal big-boned.

Oct 09, 2023

Hi everyone!

I’ve been in constant motion for the past few days, which has been nice, but, well…constant! I love having things to look forward to on my calendar, but I sometimes forget that that means I will eventually have to do those things. I enjoy that part too, but it’s much more tiring than writing little notes down in the squares of my day planner (or slugging them into the unsent email to myself full of appointments and obligations that I keep in my Drafts folder).

On Thursday I drove up to Rhode Island with Adam Pally to open for his show An Intimate Evening with Adam Pally. The show, which took place in a little event space called Dye House, was so much fun. I don’t want to say too much about it and spoil anything, but you can get the flavor what Adam is going for by reading the excellent recent profile that Jason Diamond wrote about him! Also, Greg from Easymoc was there selling moccasins, and he hooked me up with a great pair of shoes. All in all, a terrific little road trip.

Three pairs of shoes I wore on the road this week: Custom Air Max 90s styled after my defunct podcast, Sean Wotherspoon Corduroy Adidas Gazelles, and Easymoc Moccasins. — This week in sneaks (and mocs).

On Friday we hustled back to New York and I taped a standup set for Don’t Tell Comedy, which you can look forward to seeing soon if you’re the kind of person who enjoys my standup (hopefully most of you)!

TWO UPCOMING SHOWS!

I’ve got a bunch of standup around NYC coming up (usually reflected on my website fairly thoroughly), but I have one Brooklyn show and one show on the road I wanted to draw your attention to!!!!

THIS FRIDAY (10/13): What’s New? at Union Hall in Brooklyn! I’m doing a bunch of new jokes that I think you’ll like, and the lineup is bigger than usual because so many hilarious friends from out of town are around! Come see: Will Miles, Mark Little, Myq Kaplan, Nour Hadidi, Katrina Davis, and Joan Glackin!!!! And me!

SATURDAY 11/18: Bottle Rocket in Pittsburgh!!!! After having a great time last year at Bottle Rocket, I’m coming back to Pittsburgh next month! Hopefully I won’t have to hitchhike to get there this time! I can’t wait!

PEP TALK FOR 12-FOOT-TALL SKELETONS

First of all, Big Skeleton, I’m sorry that you’re dead. And secondly, I’m sorry about how you must have lived. The human heart is not built to support a twelve-foot-tall body, so I imagine your life was brief and full of agony.

It is touching to see so many remembrances during the Halloween season, but it is pretty fucked up to me that they sell your remains at Home Depot. After all, every skeleton used to be just some person. I know that it would be a bummer to my loved ones if after I died, people talked about how spooky my bones are. Yeah, duh they’re spooky. They’re outside my damn skin. You’re not supposed to see my bones!!!!

Yes, your body is unusual, but it is rude of people to gawk and make a spectacle of you. And yes, it would be nice if we celebrated you on other, non-freak show holidays like Arbor Day (apropos because of how your flesh most likely is intermingled with the soil) or Valentine’s Day. Still, you bring people a lot of joy, which is something. If you were a baby-sized skeleton, you’d probably just make everyone depressed.

PEP TALK FOR TWO READERS

I paired these two requests together because they are both about loneliness. I did a little fiddling with the language, but that’s standard for me!!!

In the past three years, I’ve lost almost all of my friendships, and I’m frightened by how small and lonely my life has become because of it. In March 2020, I fell out of touch with a bunch of people, including a close friend I’d known since high school, and I haven’t spoken to them since. I live with family right now to save money, and most of my life is just going to my job and coming home after work. I used to be a fairly social person, but now I spent so much time alone. I feel ashamed of how I lost touch so abruptly with friends, and that shame is preventing me from reaching out to them to try to reconnect. I’m too embarrassed by what happened to face them and I’m worried they’ll think I’m weird for trying to talk after more than three years. I could really use a pep talk.
— Stuck
Hi Josh! Just moved to a new city for a new job (this is the second big move over the past few years) - so feeling unsure of myself and a bit lonely. Friends and family are on the other side of the world and not feeling great about having to build my community again. Just wish I had people physically around who I’m totally comfortable with! Hoping for a pep talk to see the other side and get myself excited about this new start.
— Movin’ but Not Groovin’

Loneliness is such a painful condition, and it’s the rare malady you can’t complain to friends and family about. (If you could, the underlying problem wouldn’t be nearly as acute in the first place.) It’s like…loneliness and having recently committed murder are the two toughest things to lament.

In times of romantic disappointment, our friends are quick to remind us that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. That maxim holds doubly true for friendship. Just from a practical standpoint, the stakes are so much lower. Nobody is out there looking for the one new friend to spend the rest of their life with. New friends don’t even have to be intrigued by how you look when you’re naked. You just have to like one (1) of the same sports or books or bands to start with.

There are probably people all around you who also want an occasional dining companion or softball teammate or accomplice in shit-talking. And even though it seems like everyone else’s life is built on a solid social foundation while yours was erected hastily on a friendship burial ground where you are haunted by ghosts of friends and loved ones past, the human capacity for companionship is not finite. I honestly think that the desire not to be alone is responsible for 80% of pickleball’s popularity. There is room for you in at least some other people’s lives. (It’s like how every polyamorous person talks about non-monogamy, except in a way our society is already built to accommodate.)

Risking rejection (with new acquaintances or old ones you’ve lost touch with) is always scary, but like…why? It is okay for some people to not be your friend! More likely, most people don’t realize you’re looking for connection because they are busy trying to remember whether they need to pick up a new package of toilet paper, or what to do with their toddler if it rains later, or can they pull off this denim jacket they recently purchased but haven’t worn out of the house yet (they can!).

You are not destined to be friendless, unless the thing keeping you emotionally distant from your friends and family is that you did actually murder one of them. And if that were the case, I doubt you’d be writing to me. You will find companionship. Or return to old companions. There are plenty of fish in the sea, especially when you’re not trying to have sex with any of them.

PICK ME UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Sufjan Stevens: “Come On! Feel the Illinoise!”

Okay so! I talked to my friend

Niko Stratis

for her podcast Blue Eyes Crying by the Chips, which is all about songs that make you cry. I chose “Chicago” by Sufjan Stevens, because I am, emotionally, a hack. But my favorite Sufjan song is “Come On! Feel The Illinoise!” which is a shockingly goofy pun coming from an artist who mostly writes songs to cry to while sitting next to a fireplace. (He also has a devastating new album about grief that came out last week.)

This song, as we touch on in the podcast, is also melancholy with hints of wistful, but the horns are so jaunty, and it makes me feel good to listen to.

(The theme song to Niko’s podcast is by the great Augusta Koch of newsletter fave Gladie, whose albums and other merch you should buy since their tour dates opening for Jeff Rosenstock got cancelled. Also, buy Jeff’s stuff and Oceanator’s too because they also had dates cancelled on account of illness.)