Hi everyone,
Thank you for kind words about my Writers Guild Awards monologue last week! (I include in that thanks, the nice people at Vulture who used this opportunity to take Matt Koff and Paul F. Tompkinsās joke about me to new levels.)
Instead of allowing myself sufficient recovery time this week, I stayed out too late on Monday night after a show and then got sick. A compulsive/sensible (you be the judge) number of Covid tests later, I confirmed it was simply a fairly gnarly old school cold. At most points in my life, I would have taken this as a sign to demonstrate mastery over my own physical form and plug along with all my existing plans, miserable but uninterrupted. As a sensible-ish, nearly-forty-year-old man, I cancelled all my cancellable activities, which is most of them because Iām not especially important, and felt miserable at home.
The greatest stretch I can imagine for the definition of the word āinjusticeā is how I felt that there was no playoff basketball happening during the nadir of my illness. I was off by two measly days from this weekend of four-games-a-day! But I did watch Kyle Kinaneās new standup special Dirt Nap, which was, as expected, excellent. Kyle is one of the best working comedians both in terms of having interesting thoughts and finding original ways to make them funny (which is basically the job, imo, but some people coast)!
I am feeling a lot better thanks to sleep and tea and lots of good care from Maris and Bizzy. We will see if I learn the right lesson (your body needs time to recover when youāre not feeling well) from this or the absolute wrong one (I am invincible and will never die) from this experience. Iām back on the road a TON through May and June up to my special taping on 6/21. Iād love to see you at a show if Iām in your city!
I donāt know if anyone else does this, but when I get sick at all, I can never imagine a future when Iāll want to go places and do things ever again. I was surveying the concept of being at an airport with total dread. But now that Iām back at 90% health Iām fully psyched excited to travel and do shows, and feeling only the usual, general dread about hanging out in airports.
This week Iāll be in Washington DC on Thursday (4/25) for a live Lovett or Leave It recording!
Then on this Saturday the 27th Iām running through my standup hour in Brooklyn at Union Hall at 5pm!
Next week Iāll be in Dayton, KY (which people describe to me as āthe Cincinnati areaā) for four shows 5/3-5/4 at Commonwealth Sanctuary!!! Many more cities/shows listed at the bottom of the newsletter!!!
Oh also happy Passover, to any Passover celebrators out there! (And a happy belated Easter and Eid to all who celebrate those as well!)
PEP TALK FOR POLLEN
Pollen, you are messing up a lot of peopleās weeks, but you canāt help it. You give us so much (vegetation, and in turn, oxygen), and a little sneezing is a small price to pay for all life on earth. In many cases, sure, itās more than just a sneeze or a sniffle, but the immense environmental benefits of your existence outweigh the drawbacks for sure. Although, just hypothetically, I could imagine a world where the proliferation of plant species across the globe doesnāt also require physical discomfort for the people who cohabitate on the aforementioned globe. And yes, we (humans) could also āstop hitting ourselvesā in terms of destroying the climate in which we all live. But thatās not really what weāre here to talk about right this second. We are here to talk about how pollen sustains life on earthā¦and also a little bit about how it does so in such a fucking irritating way.
Screw you, pollen. And thank you for everything.
PEP TALK FOR A READER
Iāve made some minor tweaks to this request for the purposes of being concise! Plus I gave them the little nickname! But thatās all!
It's my wedding in July and I've made the somewhat cowardly choice to get a hair system (wig) at 30 rather than embrace the patchy bald spots. My head shape is not as sweet as yours so I can't embrace the bald yet. I feel like I will need a series of increasingly patchy wigs like in that Tim Robinson sketch to phase it out though.
- Bald Donāt Lie
I donāt think itās cowardice to want to conform to the way weāre socially conditioned to believe is visually ideal (in this way at least). How can we avoid those pangs? Not that bald guys should experience special protection under the law, but it is a kind of guy people feel pretty free to make fun of without any real pushback, which doesnāt make it seem like an especially desirable thing to be. Bald women, of course, are somewhat unforgettably protected by the Archangel Will Smith. All that said, I understand the desire to tend to the garden youāve got. Unless you are already famous as a bald person and THEN decide to re-sod the olā top yard, which is embarrassing. Iām sorry, Jason Alexander (mercifully bald again at long last), but it had to be said. Thereās nothing wimpy or illogical about dreaming of have long flowing locks or a perfectly smooth and spherical Charlie Brown noggin on your big day.
WITH ALL THAT SAID! There is, I think, an additional element of boldness and self-acceptance that comes from dancing with the hair that brung you. Obviously, thereās a degree of ācleaning up niceā that most of us opt for on big days, even if the degree of āniceā (or ācleaning upā for that matter) is only necessary in our own minds. But, youāre going to spend the day around friends and family, and youāre going to have (presumably) a lot of high quality pictures taken, so thereās something satisfying about looking like what you look like, to an extent! If youāre anticipating you will look at those pictures in the future and think: āDamn. I was so flippināā¦hirsute back then. What a smokeshow I was!ā then thatās wonderful. If you fear thereās a chance youāll look yourself in the eyes and thinkā¦I donāt know who that person was!ā¦then, you know, thatās something too.
Neither choice is a judgement on your character! Itās just about how you want to look! (
has a LOT more interesting and insightful stuff to say about that topic in her newsletter than I do.) At some point though you will decide lumpy (or totally flat, I guess?) skull be damned, youāre going to commit to the melon youāve got. And itāll feel weird, and then it will feel normal, which will feel great! (Personally, I am the softest/roundest/baldest Iāve ever been, and the photographs I took in a tuxedo last week are some of my favorites! Make sure you have a nice suit for the wedding too, if thatās your style!)PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK: Donwill - āApe Shitā
Donwill is the resident DJ at Butterboy, which Iāve been co-hosting all month (only two Monday nights left in April!), but heās also a great producer and emcee (and podcaster etc. etc.). Heās put out a lot of excellent solo music and a lot of excellent music as part of the group Tanya Morgan. āApe Shitā (a collaboration with Dash Speaks) just STOMPS. Is it my 2024 NBA Playoffs anthem? Time will tell but Iām leaning YES. Donwill rules.
UPCOMING SHOWS
Iāve got some really fun shows coming up! Come see one! More NYC spots are listed on my website, and more road dates are coming soon! OH ALSO: In April Iāll be guest cohosting Butterboy at Littlefield with my friend Maeve Higgins every Monday! :)
4/22: Butterboy at Littlefield in Brooklyn
4/25: Lovett or Leave It in Washington, DC
4/27: Headlining Union Hall in Brooklyn (5PM SHOW!!!)
4/29: Butterboy at Littlefield in Brooklyn
5/2: Wait Wait Donāt Tell Me Live Recording (Chicago)
5/3-5/4: Commonwealth Sanctuary (Dayton, KY) (Four shows!)
5/8: Cobbās Comedy Club (San Francisco)
5/10-5/11: Here-After (Seattle) (THIRD SHOW ADDED!)
5/12: Helium Comedy Club (Portland)
5/16-5/18: Vermont Comedy Club (Burlington) (Five shows!)
6/8: Helium Comedy Club (Philadelphia) (4:30pm show!!!!)
6/15: Kismet Improv Theater (Pawtucket, RI) (EARLY SHOW SOLD OUT! LATE SHOW ADDED!!!)
6/21: NEW SPECIAL TAPING AT THE BELL HOUSE IN BROOKLYN (Late show tickets on sale now!)
There really is such a funny two way amnesia - when you're sick you can't remember being well and to actually DO things, when you're well you think you'll never get sick again!! King of the world!
I hope the person with less hair than he desires goes au natural. I've never cared how much hair someone has, but I feel so sad for them when they are clearly worried about their choice of disguise. Nature gives and takes from us all - easiest long term win is to embrace it!