#87. Coconuts and You

I get a little rambley this week, much like every week.

Hi everyone,

We’ve had a high-recreation week at That’s Marvelous headquarters. I’d set aside a bunch of time to work on projects independently and with collaborators, but because of some factors beyond my control and some that I just didn’t try very hard to get a handle on, I got the stuff I had to do done and left everything else for an undetermined point in the future.

I was pretty diligent about not drinking very much as I prepared to record my new standup special. And now that that’s done, I’ve been on what’s not quite a bender but what I believe I’ve referred to in this newsletter before as a “twister.” I think, to date, I’ve been a healthy amount of unhealthy. And now I’m ready to settle back into a more temperate routine as I start to work on the edit of this project in hopes that people will be able to see it by the end of the year. (Actual news pending, so we’ll see!)

For a lot of people, myself included, Independence Day is kind of a fraught occasion. I do like a barbecue and an extra day off. But as I get older, I have a harder time generating a sense of…America: We’re Crushing It! The evening of July 4th, Maris and I sat on a friend’s rooftop where our other friend Jami was housesitting, and we watched the fireworks, both sanctioned and unsanctioned, illuminate far-flung corners of the city. Pretty much every burst was far enough away that the sound never reached a jarring volume. It felt like far-off thunder before the rain arrives, or after it has passed. Soothing, almost. It’s a privilege to be able to find the sound of distant explosions comforting of course, which reminded me of this poem (which is very short and worth reading).

On Friday night, Maris and I rallied a few friends and did a lot of karaoke singing. I am extremely self-conscious about doing things I’m not good at in front of other people, and I’m not an especially good singer, but I love karaoke. I really should extract some broader lesson from this, but up until now I haven’t been able to. Our local spot only reserves private rooms in two hour blocks, but if you call ahead they can usually tack a third hour onto your session. Most of the time they’re ready to (gently) usher you out and turn over the room for another party when your time expires, but because of reduced demand over the holiday weekend, they let us extend for another hour, for a total of four. We had some back-to-back Chappell Roan and lots of late aughts hits. The theme of the third hour was “try a weird one” and the final hour was “now a sad one,” and we closed out the evening with a full-room rendition of “We Are The World.” Maris (aka Ska-ris) really went for it with “Sell Out” by Reel Big Fish, and I added a new Beastie Boys song (“Ch-check It Out”) to my repertoire. Overall, the night was an enormous success. Again, I will fail to absorb the lesson of the importance of broadening one’s horizon and the acceptability of trying and failing at something new. Sorry, me!

On Saturday, my friend Lindsey threw a birthday party for the centennial of the caesar salad (invented in Mexico!), which felt like a pleasant way to celebrate the long weekend without leaning too aggressively into the compulsory patriotism of it all. (I will wait for the Olympics to do that.)

Hail yeah, Caesar!

Additionally, in the past week, I did some laundry and had soft serve with my friend Abby and lunch with Rachel and Erik and drinks with Ashtyn and Isle as well as (separately) Alison and Anthony. I had a fun set doing a couple of new jokes at the new UCB venue. I noodled around with drafting a new book proposal and made eggs for Maris and tried to catch up on some podcasts I’ve fallen behind on and failed to dig into a book to read (I blame the heat, even though it’s definitely my own fault). We watched Problemista (which was very good) and Beverly Hills Cop: Netflix Time, Baby (which was not great) I also made a few work-related phone calls.

I don’t know why I listed all that out for you, readers, other than to remind myself that even though I’ve felt a little suspended in Jell-O lately, every day is full of stuff. Most of the time, you can’t help but do it.

(Oh, and my episode of the Quorators podcast is available for your listening enjoyment. It’s really silly!)

PEP TALK FOR COCONUTS

Remember when this was the name of a record store?

Coconuts, look: Even if you did just fall out of a tree, you still exist in the context of all in which you live and what came before you. Don’t let anyone tell you any different, not even the Vice President.

Also, an extremely embarrassing fact about me: I had assumed (from the context of who was chiming in) that the recent wave of coconut tree memes and references (that are, themselves, about context) was some enduring piece of Black culture that I had missed, rather than something that Vice President Kamala Harris said last year (as far as I can tell from some light research). I’ve been walking around thinking it was a line from a Maya Angelou poem or a lyric from “Lift Every Voice and Sing.” What a relief to know that I’m only a year behind and not a lifetime out of touch.

In similar meme-realization news, I finally googled and learned that “Last night we let the liquor talk…” is a MORGAN WALLEN lyric??? I guess now I know two things about Morgan Wallen!

It can sometimes feel strange to live in a time where the popularity or saturation of an idea, a phrase, or an image can be so frequently divorced from its original context. I really struggle with accepting that fact as a feature of modern communication on one hand, and wanting to create and experience things that can remain tethered to their points of origin onthe other. It’s extremely fascinating the way something like “coconut tree” becomes a tongue in cheek shorthand for a certain kind of historical awareness. What a compelling linguistic development that happened so quickly! But also, that’s how the phrase “Hawk Tuah” became an entertainment product on its own. I guess a drunk lady becoming famous for saying a funny, sincere thing is better than when they would make a sitcom based on a Geico ad campaign. But, sue me, I still maintain an (outdated) affection for, like…art?

Sorry I got sidetracked here! But does anyone reading this have a similar piece of floating culture that shocked them when they discovered the original context? That’s what I was writing about, right?

PEP TALK FOR A READER

I’ve done a little editing for brevity and nicknamed the writer! You know the drill!

I’m at a place where I am finishing: (1) several months of medical treatment, and (2) graduate school. Because of these changes, the nontraditional nature of a relationship I’ve been in that has been long-term but casual because we’ve both been going through Stuff™️ is now causing me anxiety. Additionally, my landlord has basically given me the options to buy my apartment or move out. Dating and apartment hunting each seem like a unique hellscape in summer 2024, and I don’t feel ready to make major decisions on either front, especially in the face of the two big endings in my life. It all feels very ashes-stages of a phoenix life cycle, and I would love a pep talk to kick off the re-build!

- Ben Affleck’s Back Tattoo

Congratulations on coming to the end of your long series of medical treatments! I imagine it’s a relief to remove one stressor from your life. It’s a long-time That’s Marvelous position that additional things shouldn’t get to go wrong at times like these. Big life problems should have to come at you one at a time the way gang members tacitly agree to fight Steven Seagal in the movies. But now you’re *rapping on a table with my knuckles* back to full health and facing two new big changes. It’s moments like these that drive people to demand to speak to life’s manager, which is kind of what prayer is when you really think about it.

The one-prong version of this pep talk is: The issues you’re facing now (having to move apartments and being potentially newly single) are things almost everyone goes through a whole bunch of times in their lives. That doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. But it would be another thing entirely if you found out that the other person in your long-distance situationship was actually an extraterrestrial and you had to find a new place to live with them but on Mars, and they wouldn’t even take you there in their situationship ship. There’s a comfort, even when things are stressful, in knowing the issues at hand have been previously surmounted. Breakups and moving out are the opposite of “unprecedented times,” they’re some of history’s most precedented tribulations. These are not, let’s say, coconut tree issues.

Now, the two-pronged pep talk!

PRONG #1: While most people do find a new place to live when they have to leave the old one, lots of people end up houseless in these situations. I don’t want to discount that terrifying option. For you to describe your position as “apartment hunting” suggests to me that you’re not super worried about that possibility becoming a reality in this moment, though. Which is great! That means what you’re going through is the kind of pain in the ass that happens and then passes, and you get to go “wow that was inconvenient” and your friends nod their heads and are happy for you that you’ve come out the other side. And then, if you’re anything like me, six months after that you start hanging art up on your new walls.

PRONG #2: Dating can also be a time and resource intensive hassle. But it is very much not the same as apartment searching. At the (literal) end of the day, you need somewhere to live. You do not need someone to be in a complicated semi-relationship with. You can spend time not dating. You can date a lot of people. You can try to find one person to spend time with. Any and all of these possibilities can feel like success if you let them. No one fondly remembers an apartment they fell in love with but couldn’t afford. Many people still go dreamy eyed and wistful over a brief, long ago romance. In an American city, your enduring health and stability are contingent on finding (at least) four walls, a floor, and a ceiling. But a sustaining amount of love can look like lots of different things. It can be friendship or family or long term romantic partnership or a constellation of hookups or taking some time to yourself. A long term but casual thing is probably not your home, but it’s fine in the way a home doesn’t have to be. Or maybe what you have now stabilizes and ends up being what you want.

You’ll navigate these fraternal twin crises, which only really seem alike because they’re hitting at the same time. You will rise from these ashes even if the ascent isn’t as linear as you’d hoped.

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Goldenhorse - “Get The Feeling”

Huge news for me: I figured out the title and artist of a song that’s been kicking around in my head for (I think) two years. Based on a vague recollection, I’d been combing the discography of Sparklehorse and coming up empty in my search for this particular melody, and that’s because the song is actually by Goldenhorse, a New Zealand pop group that hasn’t been especially active in well over a decade.

“Get The Feeling” is a very, very cute song. It almost feels like something two characters in a musical would sing as they fall in love. It’s bouncy and breezy. I bet you could put it on a driving around playlist and enjoy the synchronous summer jam vibe but with an out-of-time sonic quality. Mostly I’m just glad I figured out the name of the song. It feels like one of those videos of jewelry being cleaned in a little tub, but for the wrinkles of my brain.

In other fun news, my friends Hannah Jones and Danya Trommer have recently put out standup sets with Don’t Tell Comedy, and I think you might enjoy them!

UPCOMING SHOWS

I’m mostly around NYC for the next couple of months, but I’ll keep my list upcoming shows around town here still!

7/12: Celebrity Drop-In at City Winery

7/13: Sick-Ass Panther at Red Baron Ink Tattoo and Piercing (NYC)

7/16: Comedy Juice at Gotham Comedy Club

7/17: Ambush Comedy at Ebbs Brewing in Williamsburg

7/20: Astigmatism Comedy at P&T Knitwear

7/20: Would You Rather? at Pine Box Rock Shop