#11. Early Bedtimes, Dubious Ethics, and You

If you want to do the thing, do the thing!

Jan 23, 2023

Hi everyone!

Sorry for the slightly delayed newsletter today. I had to wake up at 4am (Mountain Time) yesterday to fly home from Utah, and when I got back I was too sleepy to newsletter. It is weird how air travel is so productive (I traveled thousands of miles over the course of mere hours) while also reducing my potential to get anything done creatively. Wait. Is that weird or is it totally normal and expected?

The last two weekends were accidental resets for me. I was in Toronto just before my birthday, and when I go to Canada I always forget to purchase an international phone plan. So unless I have wifi, I’m out of contact with the world and very present in the moment. Apart from the logistical challenges that creates, it rules. I’m rarely a conscious unplugger, but when I am forcibly unplugged, I do enjoy the experience!

Then post-birthday I had a fairly substantial hangover that felt like I’d done all my aging for the past year over two days. Fortunately, this weekend I was doing shows in the Salt Lake City suburbs where the bars close at 3pm and even when they’re open they only serve Cherry Coke (regulations possibly embellished). So, despite traversing most of the country twice in three days, I had a fairly laid back weekend. And the shows were really fun. Thanks for coming out in force, people of the greater Salt Lake City area!

Alright: Let’s take this one pep at a time!

PEP TALK FOR PEOPLE CONSIDERING GOING TO BED EARLY

Literally the plainest looking pillow imaginable. — Enticing, right?

Oh, you’re thinking about turning in for the night sooner than usual? Just do it, coward! What are you afraid of? You think tonight’s the night all of your friends are going to go on some kind of once-in-a-lifetime adventure, and you’re going to miss out? Get real. It’s not happening. And, even if a pal DID text you and invite you out on Rob Gronkowski’s yacht (which I imagine is called Gronk If You’re Horny), you’d be MISERABLE the whole time on account of how ready you were to get under the covers at 8:30pm. You’d hate the yacht party and be mad you went out at all. Do you know how hard it is to make an Irish Exit from a boat? You need to get a helicopter (or at least a second boat) involved.

Just go to sleep! Who cares? Oh you’ll wake up at 5am tomorrow morning if you go to bed now? Shut up. That’s what farmers do every damn day. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE BETTER THAN FARMERS? Do you know how to take dirt and a little bag of plant sex and turn it into cucumbers? I didn’t think so!

If you are having any inclination to go to sleep, give in! Anyone who tries to contact you with a non-emergency can wait until tomorrow. You’ll reply: “Sorry. Passed out early. Long week lol.” They will not judge you. In fact, they will be JEALOUS of how well-rested you are. You will be the object of their intense and visceral envy.

Let yourself have this! It costs you nothing, and there is a 99.999% chance you will not regret it. (And even if you do, that’s almost as much of a story as meeting Michael Shannon or whoever at a bar.) Do it, nerd! Go to bed!!!

PEP TALKS FOR READERS

As is often the case, some information was edited out of this pep talk request before publication. Which information? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

I’m contemplating lots of changes next year - a big move to be with my long distance BF, and a career change as I’m super unhappy with my job right now - and all of that has me feeling super freaked out in general!
- N.

It took me a while to get to this pep talk, so maybe N. has already made these big changes and knows how they turn out in the short term! Or maybe they are still in the same situation as before but they feel better about it.

In the event that neither of these possibilities has unfolded, here is my pep talk: Why not?

I mean this question both sincerely (Is there a chance that your long distance boyfriend wants you to move closer to him as part of some kind of elaborate ploy to steal your identity or internal organs?) and flippantly (“Sure! Why not do those big exciting things? What’ve you got to lose?”) In this case, the flippant tone is the more important one. Because I imagine, if you’re considering big life changes, you’ve thought about the serious practical ramifications of your actions. You know the pros and cons. You’ve weighed them sensibly.

What you may not have considered: It’ll probably be fine!

It seems like you’re pretty unhappy now. (I was able to intuit that from when you said “I’m super unhappy” because I’m an empath.) The worst thing that could come from making a big change is that you’re different unhappy, which is for sure possible, but maybe preferable. It’s like when your restaurant order comes out in a way that’s so bad it’s confusing. (How did they burn a Caesar salad?) You wish it were good, but the novelty is better than something being disappointing in a more traditional way.

You have a lot of practice being this specific kind of dissatisfied, which is soothing in the same way pressing on a bruise or sucking air through a cavity is soothing. You know basically how bad it’s going to be, and you’re in control of it. But, hear me out: Maybe things can be better! Big changes are stressful for sure. Keeping things the same and having them continue to stink also seems stressful. ONE of the paths forward has the potential for more joy and less stress. The other one offers stability, but who wants bad stability? It makes for a great period drama starring Kate Winslet, but a lousy real life.

You deserve good things! And at the very least, you deserve to know that alternative circumstances are bad in new, fascinating ways! Then, if you want, you can change those circumstances too! Why not?

LAST SEEN

In Utah, a friend tried to take me to an indie dramedy playing at one of the auxiliary Sundance venues, but we got the timing mixed up and ended up at a two-part documentary about Brooke Shields (who seems terrific), which was really interesting but felt a little long to watch all at once in a theater. (I think it’s going to be on Hulu.)

I also saw Kaleidoscope (in part as an agreeable thing to watch with my in-laws), which is a limited series about a heist that was written so that the episodes leading up to the finale can be watched in any order, which is impressive, but when we got to the end I realized I was probably only going to watch it one time, so the optionality didn’t matter that much.

Paul T. Gold man is the loneliest man I've ever heard of. — I live in constant terror of finding out I’m as easily tricked as this man.

Most importantly, in the past week my wife and I barreled through the Peacock series Paul T. Goldman. I don’t want to give too much away, but I VERY MUCH recommend it for people who liked The Rehearsal. It scratches a similar itch of like…ethically dubious documentary/comedy where the show’s creator becomes enmeshed in the narrative. This very specific genre is, apparently, one of my favorite types of television. I really like wrestling with the questions of like…who gets to decide someone else’s narrative, and how much responsibility artists have to protect willing but naive subjects from themselves. I have NO idea if anyone else is watching/has watched this show. But if you like Nathan Fielder’s work, it’s very worthwhile.

PICK-ME-UP SONG: Missy Elliott - “She’s a Bitch”

I don’t want to get sucked into the internet trap of being like “HOW COME NOBODY REMEMBERS [RANDOM THING I HAPPEN TO BE THINKING ABOUT]?” but I will say this Missy Elliott/Timbaland/Hype Williams aesthetic is always top of mind for me. And this is my newsletter, and therefore my prerogative to bring up a secondary hit from 24 years ago. But, honestly, put “She’s a Bitch” on the radio today and watch people too young to remember the original release embrace it as an anthem everywhere from clubs to SoulCycle classes.

Missy Elliott in the past, looking like she's from the future. — Well I think she seems nice!

Anyway, this song absolutely holds up, and the video is such a late 90s/early 00s prototype. Dystopian “Billy Jean” floors (who is the father of that baby? IS IT A CLONE???), Matrix-era futurist wardrobe, entire bars censored for tv play. It’s all here. This video premiered right around when my family finally got basic cable in my early teen years, and so it’s seared into my brain as the CGI-robot-blood-leaking edge of cool.

Readers: Is anyone else deeply nostalgic for the Hype Williams era of music videos? I feel like he’s as important visually as (Daily Show theme song remixer) Timbaland is sonically (to say nothing of Missy Elliott’s legend status)!