#138. New York City-phobes and You
"Never fear! Brooklyn is here!" - The Newsies, unrelated
Hi everyone,
So much has happened this week. Obviously my big news was a visit to the Umbrella Cover Museum on Peaks Island off the coast of Portland, Maine. The museum, run and curated by Nancy 3. Hoffman, is full of those little tubular pouches that sheath your umbrellas before you lose them or throw them out. Nancy has written a theme song for the museum, and her collection has surpassed 2,500 umbrella covers (although only about 630 are currently on display). The collection comprises umbrella covers from 76 countries (the hand-written sign was forcibly altered from “75” in the way Bart Simpson might change a F grade to an A grade), and Hoffman says the mission statement of the museum is to celebrate the joy of the mundane.
Unsurprisingly, the Umbrella Cover Museum is the Guinness record holder for largest collection of umbrella covers. The existence of this establishment is a true testament to what is possible when one person has a unique vision and lives in a place where real estate isn’t $75,000,000/square foot.
I was in Portland, one of my favorite cities, for a Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me! recording at the Merrill Auditorium. I got a great lobster roll from Highroller and a fascinating donut (bacon and cheddar) from Holy Donut while I was in town. The show itself was a blast, as always! I was on the panel with my good pal Karen Chee as well as the Wait Wait legend Paula Poundstone. Portland native Anna Kendrick was the celebrity guest, and she was extraordinarily gracious and charming on and off stage. I also had the great privilege of watching Anna Kendrick trying to help Paula Poundstone figure out where she (Paula) knew her (Anna) from. It took roughly a half hour and several outside consultations, but the answer was Twilight. Thanks to the Wait Wait team for having me along. Can’t wait to be back in Maine in August for Guster’s festival.
ALSO! My standup special is out NOW! The YouTube premiere on Friday night was super fun. The chat was really silly and lively. I’m so glad this hour is out in the world now and that people are enjoying it. It would mean a lot to me if you (readers) would give it a shot. And if you like it, please spread the word!
Here’s a Bluesky post I made that you can share. And here are a couple of clips on Instagram if you want to spread the word that way. Word of mouth of course works even when it’s not on social media! And while we’re here: If any of you host a popular tv show or podcast or write a big time newsletter, hey…why not tell your audience to enjoy my jokes?
If you aren’t convinced by MY saying so, here’s an interview I did with Lauren Daley for Boston.com, and here’s one I did with Tara Ariano for Cracked. And Sean McCarthy reviewed the special for Decider. Also last week, I popped up on the Love To See It podcast with Emma and Claire having so much fun talking about Pretty Woman. And I chatted They Might Be Giants with Dan Wilbur and Zach Sims on the My New Thing podcast. AND Maris and I went on Jane Marie’s legendary podcast The Dream together to talk about not having kids.
I even got to go on CBS Mornings which was a surprise and a thrill! Thanks to Blonde Medicine’s publicist Kathryn for making it happen! Gayle King came to my dressing room in the middle of the taping and asked me a bunch of questions about myself and my special (including “What made you think you could be a comedian?” which I laughed out loud at despite knowing what she meant). Then as she was heading back to set she said: “We’re having a great show…don’t fuck it up!” And then cheerfully: “Just be yourself!” Which I tried to do. But did I? You be the judge!
But now it’s MARIS WEEK in our household! Maris’s book (which is so good!!!) comes out THIS TUESDAY!!!! She’s doing a big launch event at the Brooklyn Heights Library with Emma Straub on Tuesday night! On Wednesday I’ll be interviewing her at the Harvard Book Store in Cambridge, MA!!! It’s Maris time, baby!!!! I’ll also be hanging out at her Los Angeles event at Skylight Books on 7/7! Let’s burn [these places] down!!!
SOME NEW TOUR DATES
I’ve had this on my schedule for a bit but hadn’t said much about it: I’ll be headlining a show for the Borscht Belt Comedy Festival up in the Catskills on July 26th!
Then on August 1st and 2nd I’m going to be back in Toronto headlining four shows at Comedy Bar! (Currently unclear on which venue it will be but more details and ticket info soon!
PEP TALK FOR NEW YORK CITY-PHOBES
Look, you absolute losers and cowards: I know you’re feeling bad because your preferred candidate Andrew Cuomo failed to triumph in the Democratic primary in the mayoral election. Who can say why that happened? Was it because he’s an accused sex pest who is accused of underreporting thousands of COVID deaths in nursing homes and who resigned from the state’s governorship only four years ago? Was its because people don’t actually like him that much and his poll numbers started dropping as soon as he actually began campaigning and the public was reminded of his bad personality and ideas? Was it because a charismatic and energetic candidate decided not to appeal primarily to Democratic voters who secretly just want to vote for a Republican with a (D) next to his name? Was it all of the above? Who can say?
What I can say is that you are going to be fine. I know the Post (the reliably right wing New York one, not the increasingly right wing Washington one) has threatened a “cop exodus” if Zohran wins the general election this November. Do you not realize there’s a cop exodus every day when the NYPD officers go back to Long Island where they live? Do they think that a mayor could or would arm the city’s criminals with armor-piercing bullets made of pure socialism? And also like…why would the police leave New York because someone they don’t like is elected mayor? I hate our current mayor as much as he hates unhoused people and being told he’s not allowed to accept bribes from other countries. It didn’t even occur to me to leave the city because of that. If everyone left a city every time they hated the mayor, the entire country would be a 3.8 million square mile game of musical chairs.
Are you afraid you might have to pay slightly more in taxes? Or that other people might not have to pay for the bus or that people in rent stabilized apartments may not get priced out of the city? Just real quick: Those aren’t real fears. Everyone saying that they’re terrified New York is going to become the former Soviet Union because a mayoral candidate advocating that the city open grocery stores in food deserts is essentially announcing: “I just shit my pants so hard it went up my back and I REFUSE to take a shower, and it IS someone else’s fault!”
I have a shred more understanding for people who are like: “How does this guy feel about Jews?” Not because of anything Candidate Mamdani has said, but because bigots (both avowed and unknowing…whoopsie, Senator Gillibrand) have launched wildly racist and Islamophobic smears at him over and over to the point where if you didn’t know better you might be like…hey…is there a problem here? In the same way that if you watched the news and every day someone asked whether Andrew Garfield had eaten a human baby for dinner the previous night, you might start to question what’s in that particular Garfield’s lasagna recipe.
So…is there a problem? Yes! The problem is Islamophobia and racism. Antisemitism exists! In fact to find it you only have to look as far as THE CURRENT MAYOR WHO RECENTLY HUNG OUT WITH AN ON-THE-RECORD JEW HATER AT GRACIE MANSION. And you’re worried about a guy who literally attended my friends’ Passover seder?
It’s not antisemitic to say: “I believe Israel has the right to exist as a state with equal rights.” Or to insist that you will stand up for the liberty and dignity of all of your constituents. A rigorous interest in human rights is a good quality in a mayor. And if you don’t like his opinions on Israel, you can sleep soundly knowing that he is not running for mayor of that place.
As a brief moment of total sincerity, I found Comptroller Brad Lander’s comments about Jews and Muslims showing solidarity for one another to be immensely moving. I always reserve the right to criticize a politician the moment I am annoyed with them, but this is the kind of talk more politicians would talk even when they aren’t walking the walk of getting detained by ICE.
We are on track to have a mayor who speaks up for immigrants and refugees and trans people, for Muslims and for Jews. Zohran is also the only mayoral candidate in New York City history to follow me on Instagram, but that’s much less relevant. The only people who stand to be demonstrably less safe in a Mamdani administration are a few Benjamin Franklins in the wallets of a few very rich people. I’d rather those guys get kidnapped than random Latino folks just going about their days, which is happening all over the country. And I like the idea of a mayor who tells the guys with Oakleys, face gaiters, and Punisher tattoos to knock it off. (I feel that way about ICE agents specifically, but also about any guy with that vibe.)
And it’s not like Zohran ran on guillotining every billionaire in New York. And even then, only like fifty people would have anything to worry about, but I’d get it.
(Note: Many other people including my buddy
have written about the goobers who are afraid that New York City subway trains will shoot them with guns somehow, but I wanted to also. I just have to wait until Monday!)PEP TALK FOR A TWO READERS
I paired these two requests for obvious reasons.
I'm still looking for a job after 3 months. Having to apply to positions via the internet only has been excruciating. Pep is preferred.
I'm heading into my 6th month of unemployment and I can feel myself getting overwhelmed by self-doubt!
- Well Well Well If It Isn’t the No-Job Brothers
Having a job can be satisfying, especially when you’re doing work you believe in or get to be a part of a collaborative team. But it can also be boring, demoralizing, exhausting, dangerous, humiliating etc. to work for a living wage. You don’t always know what you’re going to get. It’s a real continental breakfast fruit salad situation.
Looking for a job, however, is pretty uniformly annoying. Either you’re up for a dream gig, and your entire emotional wellbeing hinges on getting it (what? is that not how everyone feels?), or you’re applying for some whatever position that you have to pretend is your reason for living. (“Where do I see myself in five years? Ideally I will have won the lottery so I can afford to keep working for you for free because I care about this company so much!”) I guess there’s a middle ground too that’s like: “Sure! I can see myself here for a while even though I’d rather be hanging out by a pool reading a book.” But even then, person who interviewed you might slight you by hiring someone else. What the hell? You don’t even know that person, and they’re not going to use any of their salary to buy you groceries. Rude!
Job search stress has come up a few times in the two and a half years I’ve been writing this newsletter. In part it’s one of those regular occurrences that’s never a pleasure. It’s like moving into a new apartment or telling a child that Santa Claus isn’t real (and even if the second thing is fun, you can’t show it, you sicko). It’s just kind of a thing that you have to do until you’re on the other side of it.
You are not bad for feeling bad that it’s taken months to find a new job. You’re in a vortex of some of the most frustrating experiences of being alive: Not getting what you want, not making money, people rejecting you from a thing you were lukewarm on in the first place, engaging with LinkedIn. You are not deficient for failing to cultivate a #grindset and centering your life on waking up at 4am to dunk your face in a bowl of cold water and make a video of you doing 600 pushups before sunrise. It is you who is normal. Not the person who becomes a job-getting influencer on a website for human Dockers.
Sometimes people say job searching is like dating, but it’s NOT like dating, because dating can be fun even when it doesn’t result in anything long-term. No one has ever had one great interview for a job in a city they’re visiting for a weekend and felt great never talking to that interviewer again. And often the payoff for things breaking right is…fine. It’s…some job. It’s like if instead of tantric sex, Sting just rubbed a rice cake on his face for six hours and then ate it.
This whole process is annoying to participate in and discouraging to experience setbacks at. But while you’re in the midst of it, you still get to participate in the whole rest of your life. You can celebrate birthdays and bake cookies and watch the sun set and text your friends screenshots of your most embarrassing acquaintance’s Instagram stories. You can pet a dog and catch a frisbee and fill in the gaps with the Coen Brothers movies you haven’t seen yet. A job search is a bummer. A prolonged job search is an enduring bummer. But it’s not your whole thing. You are not Rick Ross. You do not have to hustle every day. Some days you can send three emails and then learn to paint from a YouTube video. After all, nobody’s paying you not to.
PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK: Laura Stevenson - “#1”
Laura Stevenson’s new record Late Great came out on Friday, and it’s just so damn good. The subject matter is heavy, but the beauty of the lyrics and the melodies is what really overwhelms you. Longtime That’s Marvelous readers know that ***lawn sign voice*** in this newsletter we believe Laura Stevenson is one of the best songwriters and songperformers on earth. I probably listened to this song five times just on my way home from Portland. It’s expansive and stirring without quite being baroque (although there are STRINGS). I ordered a vinyl copy of the album (which I try to do as support for artists I really like even when I am “between turntables” as I am now), and I also ordered the Laura Stevenson chip clip, because that’s extremely funny merch to sell and honestly I could use a chip clip.
Go see Laura on tour this fall. I got tickets for her New York show even though it is technically during Rosh Hashanah. I don’t know why I said technically, it’s just during Rosh Hashanah, so I should be home…reflecting? But I don’t know! I think hearing this record live will start the new year off right for me.
UPCOMING SHOWS
I’m out and about in NYC a whole bunch coming up, plus a few shows on the road!
7/2: In Conversation w/ Maris Kreizman at the Harvard Bookstore (Cambridge, MA)
7/12: Bushwick Comedy Club
7/14: Regular Thing at Crystal Lake (Brooklyn)
7/17: Emmy’s East Village (NYC)
7/21: Hosting Frankenstein’s Baby at Union Hall (Brooklyn)
7/26: Borscht Belt Comedy Festival (Ellenville, NY)
7/27: Sup, Bro? at Union Hall—5pm show—(Brooklyn)
7/31: Radegast Hall and Biergarten (Brooklyn)
8/1-8/2: Comedy Bar (Toronto)
8/8: State Theater for Guster On the Ocean Festival (Portland, ME)
for a brief moment, I really thought the name of the woman who ran the museum was going to be Nancy Umbrellas.
Dear Josh,
Great piece as always! Some of my favorite meaningful and funny moments:
"Look, you absolute losers and cowards: I know you’re feeling bad because your preferred candidate Andrew Cuomo failed to triumph in the Democratic primary in the mayoral election. Who can say why that happened? Was it because he’s an accused sex pest who is accused of underreporting thousands of COVID deaths in nursing homes and who resigned from the state’s governorship only four years ago? Was its because people don’t actually like him that much and his poll numbers started dropping as soon as he actually began campaigning and the public was reminded of his bad personality and ideas? Was it because a charismatic and energetic candidate decided not to appeal primarily to Democratic voters who secretly just want to vote for a Republican with a (D) next to his name? Was it all of the above? Who can say?
What I can say is that you are going to be fine."
"I have a shred more understanding for people who are like: “How does this guy feel about Jews?” Not because of anything Candidate Mamdani has said, but because bigots (both avowed and unknowing…whoopsie, Senator Gillibrand) have launched wildly racist and Islamophobic smears at him over and over to the point where if you didn’t know better you might be like…hey…is there a problem here?"
"We are on track to have a mayor who speaks up for immigrants and refugees and trans people, for Muslims and for Jews. Zohran is also the only mayoral candidate in New York City history to follow me on Instagram, but that’s much less relevant."
Thanks for sharing as always, bud!
Love
Myq