#45. The Touring Company of Beetlejuice and You
When you say Lauren Boebert's name three times, it's because you're trying to get her to stop vaping in a theater.
Hi Everyone,
It has been an extremely wild week over here!
Last Monday I talked to the folks at TMZ about what a bummer it is that Drew Barrymore is bringing her show back on the air during the ongoing WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes, and now it seems like she isn’t doing that anymore, which is excellent news. (I do not take credit for that, and I hope that she takes care of her staff still!)
I also recorded an episode of Help Side, one of my favorite podcasts, with Ashtyn, Alex, and Ciara from Flagrant Mag, a basketball publication I love (and that has great merch).
On Tuesday I recorded an episode of Emily Ratajkowski’s podcast High Low about strike issues. The above picture portrays the faces the Help Side hosts made when I told them I was going to do a podcast with EmRata. Then Maris and I attended Jo Firestone’s book launch for her new self-published novel Murder On Sex Island which is extremely funny. You can still pre-order it because she sort of jumped the gun on the launch event so it’s not actually out yet! The audiobook is a podcast already though!
On Wednesday I did some standup at the Bell House and walked the “runway” showcasing my friend Ben Hosley’s new collection for his semi-real/semi-bit fashion line Congratyoulations. It was so invigorating to see and be a part of these two events on back-to-back nights, seeing cool talented people realize their visions for personal creative projects outside the traditional parameters of entertainment (and fashion). I came away from both shows feeling so stoked that my friends are so talented and creative! It was a great couple of evenings.
On Thursday I flew to Chicago to record last weekend’s episode of Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me for NPR, and the guest was Hillary Clinton, who you may remember from three decades of constant news coverage. It was extremely surreal to talk to Senator (Secretary? I don’t know which title takes priority) Clinton for the radio. It was also, as always, so fun to goof around with Peter Sagal, Bill Kurtis, and the other panelists (Dulcé Sloan and Faith Salie this week).
Friday I opened for my friend Caitlin Cook’s solo show at SoHo Playhouse! It’s great, and you should see it if you’re in NY this week while it’s still running! It’s music and comedy and storytelling and bathroom graffiti! So much bathroom graffiti!
Then Saturday and Sunday I opened for John Oliver at big-ol’ theaters in Hartford and Philadelphia. It was great! John doesn’t do a lot of standup anymore, but he’s currently on tour so he can keep paying his staff through the strike (Bill Maher, take notes!), and it’s kind of infuriating how good he is at it just jumping back in. You should go see him whether I’m opening or not! (His normal opener, Brooks Wheelan, is very funny!)
NEW SHOW ANNOUNCEMENT: On Thursday 10/5, I’ll be in Providence opening for Adam Pally from Happy Endings (and many more things you love). He’s doing a really cool show with lots of music and weird bits. I’m doing my usual standing basically still and telling jokes.
Oh hey! Shana tova (Happy New Year) to all the Jewish readers of That’s Marvelous, or to anyone who has reached the point of “Fuck it! I’m done with this year! On to the next!” already. Since I was working through the holiday, John’s tour manager hooked up this extremely charming backstage setup in Philadelphia. Hollowed out apple full of honey? I didn’t think we were still innovating in this space, but I was wrong!
Now it’s Monday! On with the newsletter!
PEP TALK FOR THE TOURING COMPANY OF BEETLEJUICE
We’ve been living in unprecedented times for what feels like forever now. And finally, it has given us a news story that has been a genuine joy to watch unfold. Each new layer has added to the experience, like a parfait or a plate of nachos. Representative Lauren Boebert, a ghoul, was thrown out of a touring production of Beetlejuice in her home state of Colorado (hilarious) for vaping (incredible) and as she left she yelled “Do you know who I am?” at the staff (perfect) and also she was spotted getting felt up and rubbing her date’s junk while they were seated in the theater (breathtaking twist).
I do want to give Rep. Boebert credit for clearing the bar of being a Republican legislator who hooks up like a teenager instead of with a teenager. So, kudos on that, the only nice thing I can say about a person who should be run out of government and directly into the sea. Although, I’m sure this will spark some inane protest by conservatives where they take videos of themselves jacking off in theaters in solidarity with Boebert.
But I’d like to take a moment and acknowledge the cast and crew of the touring production of Beetlejuice, the real victims here. You have worked so hard to get where you are (a big musical theater production, not Denver specifically), and now your work is being overshadowed by a horny fascist? That is NOT what you became a quadruple threat (actor/singer/dancer/undead) for! You are bringing Broadway-quality culture across the nation. And you expect that if you’re going to be interrupted, it will be by rowdy teenagers or snoring seniors. That’s the deal with live theater!!! You deserve better than one of our nation’s worst politicians getting her nipples tweaked as you attempt to ply your craft. The one person who vapes too much even for Colorado has no right to tread on your dreams like this. You took out SO MANY student loans for theater school, not that she cares about that either.
On the bright side, you are now the most famous touring production in America. I have no idea what other musicals are traversing the country, but I will never forget that Beetlejuice is in the midst of a national tour. So enjoy the increased awareness of your good work, as well as your time in the literal spotlight and adjacent to the national one. Until, of course, Marjorie Taylor Greene runs onstage during an Atlanta production of Hamilton to accuse the cast of voter fraud.
PEP TALK FOR A READER
I’ve condensed this just a little bit for the sake of it being slightly condensed.
My wife and I could sure use a pep talk. Our brilliant but anxiety-ridden son (he takes medication) is worrying again that he might have gotten bit by a bat last year during a family vacation to Costa Rica. Everyone we've asked (including nature experts from Costa Rica, the eco-resort's owners, a dermatologist and our County Dept. of Health) says with 100% certainty that the little brown spot on his wrist which he took a picture of before it went away is not a bat bite. Despite this, and not having any symptoms of rabies a year later (our son says the CDC website says the inoculation period can last for years before symptoms appear), he refuses to listen to any logic and believes he can rationally dispute anything anyone tells him (thanks internet!).
- This Bites
Sorry it took me so long to get to this request, TB. You and your family are in such a tricky place with this, it sounds like. As much as you’d like it to be otherwise, you can’t convince someone (especially someone with clinical anxiety) to accept reason no matter how right you are. And I imagine it’s so painful (and maybe, secondarily, logistically difficult and/or annoying?) to see your son struggle with this imagined medical condition to the point that it is its own real medical condition.
A semi-related point that I think about a lot: If I could have any super power, it would be to be able to look someone in the eyes when I’m definitely right about a point and instill a sense of my correctness in their brain. I guess, as long as I’m really going for it, I’d also like to be able to do that through the internet. It’s not that I’m always right, but when I am, I would like to not have to CONVINCE people of it. They don’t even have to feel bad or admit that they’re wrong as long as they fully and completely accept that I’m right. Doesn’t that sound like a dream? Okay, tangent over.
You’ve been here before with your son, and those storms have passed, and this one probably will too. As hard as it is to be unable to logic yourselves out of this situation, it’s not a problem that can be solved by logic. It’s not that the information you’re presenting to your son is wrong, it’s just not relevant to how his brain is processing the problem. It’s like trying to buy a Snickers bar with gold doubloons. What you’re offering has value, but it’s not a currency the person you’re working with can accept. I, a dumbass, don’t know what kind of treatment is helpful in this situation (or the full complement of treatments your son already receives), but I am sure this issue has cropped up in other places and that there’s some way to make it less acute. (Also, I’m sure you’ve tried many of the things already!!! I don’t mean to be that guy that sees someone in physical agony and goes: “Have you tried stretching?”)
You are not bad parents for refusing to get your son rabies shots for his not-rabies. It is not unreasonable to feel despair at the inability to cure a condition defined in part by lack of symptoms. You will get through this, and more importantly, he will get through this, even if on the other side of it you all wind up with a hatred of bats that is impossible to cure.
PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Ted Leo and the Pharmacists - “Bottled in Cork”
Once again, newsletter imitates life on a one-week delay. When I saw Ted Leo (and the Pharmacists) play last Sunday, Ted described this as the closest thing in his set to a love song because he says the word “love” in it. It’s hard to think of a more charming closing refrain to a song than: “Tell the bartender I think I’m falling in love.” Bonus: The video features the great Paul F. Tompkins, Julie Klausner, and John Hodgman!
ALSO: The new Worriers album is out now and it’s so so so good!!!
UPCOMING SHOWS
I’ve got some new dates added in NYC as well as a bunch of fancy theater shows!
9/29: Miller High Life Theater in Milwaukee (Opening for John Oliver)
9/30: Indiana University Auditorium in Bloomington (Opening for John Oliver)
10/5: Dye House in Providence (Opening for Adam Pally)
10/7: Wait Wait Standup Tour at the Taft Theater in Cincinnati
10/8: Wait Wait Standup Tour at the Clowes Memorial Hall in Indianapolis
I’m screen-shotting the tagline under the title of this post because it legit made me laugh, and the pep talk to the good folks at Beetlejuice is gold.
Also, solid and compassionate advice for the struggling parents. As a fine former therapist of mine once said, “You can’t rationalize the irrational” and I think about that often when I’m riding high on my own irrational fears. It’s helpful. Sometimes. Anyway, I hope that little nugget eventually comes to terms with his non-rabies
Thanks, as always, for getting my week off to a perky start! 😘
Man, how good is the current Pharmacists lineup? The last shows pre-pandemic and these were the best I’ve seen them play over 20 years!
Plus in boston we got a song with Josh Kantor on keys!