#84. The Boston Celtics and You

I need this pep talk more than they do.

Hi everyone,

SO HERE’S THE THING: I’ve been shouting my head off about my new standup special recording, and it’s THIS WEEK! There are still a small number of tickets left for my late show at the Bell House in Brooklyn this Friday, and I would love to sell this show out as soon as possible so I can stop worrying about it and just think about my stupid jokes. And, if you can’t make it on Friday night but want to see this hour in New York before I record it, I’m doing my final run-through at Union Hall on Tuesday night at 7:30.

Also thank you to the Kismet Improv Theater in Pawtucket for two wonderful shows last Saturday night and to Andrew Mayer for opening the shows!!! Sorry to the good people of New Jersey that last Friday’s show was postponed on short notice! I hope to reschedule ASAP!

I hustled back to New York on Sunday to attend my friends Mattie and Jaya’s 10th wedding anniversary party in a park, which was wonderful. In a little speech to the guests, Jaya mentioned the enormity of having made any adult choice that has endured for ten years, and the importance of friends both old and new. And buddy, if that didn’t feel like she was holding a megaphone and shouting directly into my darn heart. My friend Dan who I’ve known since we were seven or eight years old brought his girlfriend (who rules) and her/their two kids to my early show on Saturday. On Sunday we texted about how wild and thrilling it is to have been goofing around together for thirty years, and to have a new generation of human beings to participate in that goofing around with us. Years ago, my friend Gary Gulman introduced me to the idea of marking a lovely occasion with the Vonnegut quote, “If this isn’t nice, I don’t know what is. And I’m also partial to Weezer’s: “It’s been a while, man. Life’s so rad.”

Many things are bad, and I feel extraordinarily grateful to have shared these two beautiful moments with friends on back-to-back days. Readers, have you had any “life’s so rad” moments lately?

Happy belated Father’s Day to all the fathers out there. Or, at least the cool ones (my own dad is included in this category)!

PEP TALK FOR THE BOSTON CELTICS

How is Coinbase still allowed to sponsor NBA/WNBA arenas??? Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

Hello, the Boston Celtics. Tonight you play in Game 5 of the NBA Finals with a chance to clinch a championship on your home court, cementing your status as local legends and winners on the sport’s biggest stage. But no pressure.

Nobody believed you’d do it this year, which must have been a little discouraging. And then, briefly, everyone believed in you, which is too many people to believe in you, in my opinion. What’s the optimal amount of faith for people to have in your abilities, I wonder? What’s the right ration of haters for motivation:believers for support? I think the answer is that it probably doesn’t matter.

When you, the Boston Celtics or anyone really, meet or defy expectations, you are not actually meeting or defying expectations. You are doing the thing or you aren’t doing it. You are not proving the haters wrong (or right) any more than you are proving the bettors savvy (or foolish) or the wishers lucky or unlucky. You are not bringing pride or shame upon your family name with your actions. Legacy is a myth. People react to your excellence or shortcomings based on what’s already rattling around in their own heads more than what you did or didn’t do. You aren’t making your reputation. They are. You’re just providing the data through your actions.

Joan Didion famously wrote that we tell ourselves stories in order to live. Similarly, sports talk radio and podcasts tell us stories in order to create meaning out of a game with (as all games have) arbitrary rules. It is fun to chat and argue and impose thematic cohesion on a series of largely disconnected events. If the Celtics win, I will personally become (more?) insufferable in the short and long term. But ultimately, it’s going to happen or it isn’t. It’s a good day at work or a bad one. Yes, it would make a zillion people across the country happy if you lost because they’ve decided to side with the (Miriam Adelson-owned, Kyrie Irving-employing) Dallas Mavericks. But that’s their choice not yours!

So, regardless of history or narrative or expectation, you can win the NBA Finals tonight. Those things don’t exist. You’ll either win or Dallas will (and you’ll get two more chances to accomplish your goal). Pressure is fake. Teamwork is real. Good luck.

It should also be mentioned that my mental health hangs in the balance here, so I’d love if you could get this done tonight. But again…no pressure.

PEP TALK FOR A READER

I’ve done some light editing of this; it’s not a big deal.

Hello! It's me again. The hits seem to keep coming.

I've made it out to the other side of my long and challenging recovery from ankle surgery (on my good leg, even!). Unfortunately, it seems that the injury of this winter accelerated the progression of damage from my injuries of 2020. When it gets to the point where I can no longer bear the pain of walking, the remaining joints in my ankle will be fused to a permanent 90-degree angle. I may have to start using a walker instead of a cane. This point seems to be approaching rapidly, and I worry that I will miss my cousin's wedding in Denver in August. It would be my first trip since becoming disabled in 2020, and my best friend is supposed to come with me. I don't want to spend all summer in bed, and I don't want to lose additional function. Getting old sucks and being disabled is hard.

- Agony of The Feet Returns

Once again I find myself up against a predicament that is outside my personal sphere of experience. Ultimately, I did this to myself. I do not have to solicit pep talk requests for this newsletter. Nor am I bound by law or other contract to publish every request I receive. As usual, I don’t have much in the way of advice to offer. Fortunately, this remains a pep talk newsletter, not an advice newsletter. So let’s give it a shot!!!

It makes a lot of sense that your brain feels bad when your ankle feels bad. They’re (at the absolute maximum) seven feet away from each other and connected by a rope made of person. And, contrary to the wisdom of Roadhouse, pain DO hurt. Plus, society has a way of forgetting about disabled people, or acting with outright hostility towards them. I’m not going to try to sell you on an upside to your situation here. What would that even be? One wicked strong ankle to compensate for the busted one? The right to board airplanes early? Cold comfort! I get it!

Here’s the good part. And it’s not a silver lining so much as silver leftovers. Because when one thing is bad (or gets worse), that doesn’t mean everything has to be bad. Getting around is more difficult than it used to be. But that doesn’t mean that your friends and family love you any less. It doesn’t make cake less delicious or sunsets less breathtaking. (A life hack I’ll reiterate: Every sunrise gets rerun at the end of the day if you look in the opposite direction.) All is not lost. Some is lost. But some isn’t all. Some is…some.

Lots of people with disabilities live amazing lives. I don’t mean that in an “inspirational” way. Just in the way that lots of people who have faced similar obstacles to what you’re up against have figured out ways to have a good time. You can be one of those people. Not everything wonderful has to be perfect. Your ankle has made things a little worse, at least for now, and maybe forever. But lately everything seems to be a little worse, and yet we persevere because a little worse still leaves plenty of room for pretty good.

PICK-ME-UP OF THE WEEK:
Ryan Goodcase’s Counting Joke

I hear and see a lot of jokes, and so many of them, even the really good ones, blur together rhythmically after a while. This joke by Ryan Goodcase takes a pretty straightforward premise, and presents it in such a fun, innovative way. It doesn’t sound like other jokes, on a structural level, which is so impressive. The little twists and turns really delighted me. I think sometimes about how art can sit on this matrix of dull ideas to interesting ideas on one axis, and clumsy presentation to expert presentation on the other. And this bit is some of the most charming and innovative presentations of a joke I’ve seen in a long time, so even though it’s (on its face) a normal joke about dating, it’s one-of-a-kind.

(Similarly, but more so, I was on the Extra Hot Great podcast last week talking about Julio Torres’s new HBO show, Fantasmas. Watch the show!!!)

UPCOMING SHOWS

I’ve got some really fun shows coming up! Come see one! More NYC spots are listed on my website, and more road dates are coming soon!

6/18: Running My Hour Set One Last Time at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

6/21: NEW SPECIAL TAPING AT THE BELL HOUSE IN BROOKLYN (Late show tickets on sale now!)

6/25: Comedy Night at Walrus Alley (Westport, CT)

7/13: Sick-Ass Panther at Red Baron Ink Tattoo and Piercing (NYC)