#92. Compliment Hall of Fame Pt. II

This is like when a musician holds out the mic and asks the crowd to sing.

Hi everyone,

Not to brag, but we are currently experiencing one of the 25 days a year when the weather in New York City is beautiful. One week ago it was so hot and humid outside that I rented a Zipcar for two hours just to drive to the beach in the air conditioning and turn around immediately, because that was the only way I could make leaving the house feel bearable. Sorry, the environment. At least it was a Prius.

As many of you know, my wife and I have an extremely cute and elderly pug named Bizzy who dictates our schedules with an iron paw. Last month Bizzy celebrated her 17th birthday, and this week she’s been showing some signs of her age. We think/hope her recent creakiness is just a UTI (yes we have reminded her that she should pee after sex, but no we have not filled her water bowl with cranberry juice), so she’s on some meds now, but she’s been a much pickier eater than usual.

No one is having a brattier brat summer than this brat (who I would die for).

Because she has a (cute but not especially functional) flat face, she sometimes mushes her food against the walls of her bowl by accident. So a couple of nights ago I scooped the (gross, tbh) wallpaper paste she’d made out of her prescription wet food (okay, diva) from around the dish and offered it to her. Big mistake on my behalf because now she basically expects me to sit beside her and spoon-feed her at mealtimes. Our dog has gotten so old she is becoming a human infant. Unclear how we’ll handle it when she regresses further towards needing to be breastfed. Formula I guess?

I also watched both the men’s and women’s Olympic basketball gold medal games (USA vs. France in both instances), and it was pretty extraordinary to see so many legendary talents team up for the sake of such thrilling and benign nationalism. I got to cheer for Steph Curry and A’ja Wilson in championship games when they weren’t tearing my teams’ (2022 Celtics and 2023 Liberty respectively) souls from their bodies.

Maris and I also watched the medal rounds of men’s break(dance)ing, which was a lot of fun, and we guessed the wrong winner basically in basically every match, even after watching their routines. Breakdancing announcers, step your game up and give us some more technical info! I don’t have that much to say about the Australian breaker/professor Raygun, except that for the past three days I’ve been trying to make a joke about how they should call her Ronald Raygun because of the way her breaks turned half of America against her. I wasn’t able to make it clear enough that it was a play on Ronald Reagan’s tax breaks for the wealthy, so I didn’t ever make the joke…until now. That’s right, newsletter readers: You get to read the nearly-formed joke that I never really figured out. You’re welcome!

Last night, Maris and I saw newsletter favorites and pals Rainbow Girls play at City Winery. Their folky Americana-y harmonies sound so good live (which I knew from working on last year’s JoCo Cruise with them, but it’s good to know it translates to the land as well). See them if they’re in your town!!!

Also…I’ve been surprisingly busy with writing and talking recently, and here are some places I’ve been doing that (I’m behind on sharing a couple of these because of general forgetfulness and the relentless pace of the news):

• Last Friday, I went on All Of It on WNYC to give pep talks to the guest host and also several listeners. It was fun and unexpectedly intimate! I got some new subscribers after that, so hello new subscribers! I hope you like me written down as much as out loud!

• I returned to the incredibly fun Hello From the Magic Tavern podcast where I play a socially maladaptive squirrel named Fluff.

• I was on the Low Culture Boil podcast with my friends Rax and Amber talking about Ben Affleck. We recorded before his latest round of forlorn looking pictures were released. All I have to say about those is that it’s deeply troubling to me that he’s embraced California culture by wearing a Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt. What’s next? A Dodgers hat? JOINING SUBLIME?

• I talked about my elderly pug Bizzy’s daily routines (hopefully) in a soothing way for Jon Moe’s Sleeping With Celebrities podcast.

• I did a brief interview about the idea of “attitude” for the newsletter

  Chortle
  !

COMPLIMENT HALL OF FAME PT. II

Almost exactly a year ago back in That's Marvelous #41, I created the Compliment Hall of Fame, a repository of the greatest compliments that readers had ever received. Last week, I received a couple of unexpected and fortifying compliments from friends, and it sparked the idea to add another wing to the CHoF, so I put out a call for compliments on social media, and now here we are. The hope is that some people will feel seen by these kind words, or add them to their own repertoire of things to appreciate in friends, family, colleagues, lovers, and maybe even rivals. If you have a favorite compliment you’ve received in the past that you’d like to add to the Hall of Fame but didn’t get a chance to, just leave it in the comments!

I’ve tried to leave the compliments formatted as close to the the way I received them as I could, but a few emojis got lost in the transfer from social media to newsletter. I included most but not all of the compliments that I received. It’s still so many, but there were so many good ones!

Okay, let’s do this!!!

COMPLIMENTS ABOUT CHARACTER

“you have a beautiful sense of justice”

In college, a friend of mine told one of our other friends (who was going through a difficult time) "Kelli is the best person to be around when you're feeling unstable" and it made me feel so valuable

A new friend years ago realized I was single at the time and blurted out, "That has to be a mistake! Somebody like you, alone??? Whatever's in charge of the universe forgot to wind someone up."

A sailor I was dating in Japan emailed my mom and told her I "walk into every room with maximum aplomb" we're still friends 20 years later.

Once I was eating lunch outside at a restaurant alone on the upper East side. An older woman walked by, stopped and said “I love a woman who can enjoy a meal by herself. It’s fabulous, good for you!” It made me feel like such a badass lol

Someone - who didn’t even really like me, lol - once said of me, “Miranda’s laughter ignites a room. She isn’t the flame. She is the start of the fire.” One of my favorite compliments I’ve gotten.

My therapist once told me I was a great conversationalist!

I once heard a friend in high school tell other friends about me: "it's a pleasure to talk to him - he knows a lot, is generous with his time and he listens." As I was deep in late-teenager depression at the time, I still carry it with me and try to be the same as then.

A very nice, wonderful woman I once worked with told me that I was a mensch. And then she was thoughtful enough, knowing that I'm not Jewish, to ask "You know what a 'mensch' is, right?" I said that I had a good idea of it and that she flattered me and she said "That's what a mensch would say."

After our TIFF Q&A for LIVING, Aimee Lou Wood -- who is basically human sunshine as well as a brilliant actor -- said I was the nicest person she met in all of Canada. I'll take that to my grave.

My 2nd grade teacher gave me a little award for “generosity of spirit” and I think about it often, I want to always be that way!

One thing that struck me about these recollections is how many of them came from so long ago. Our culture focuses a lot on how past trauma informs the way people think of themselves, but it’s cool to be reminded that the opposite thing can happen as well. You can hear something good about yourself or have a positive interaction that informs the way you think of yourself. It doesn’t fit the narrative structure quite if Don Draper grows up into a capable ad exec because he has parents who praise his persuasive writing and authoritative charisma from a young age, but that kind of thing is (I have to imagine) a lot of how people find out what they’re skilled at end enjoy doing. It’s also the basis of one of my favorite Instagram accounts.

I love seeing all the different things people can appreciate about one another and what sticks with different people. Maximum aplomb? That’s a lot of aplomb. (Technically, it’s the most aplomb possible.) My eyebrows shot up reading that because it’s not something I’ve ever thought to say about someone. Or maybe I’ve never met anyone with quite so much aplomb. But even so, someone reaching the penultimate heights of aplomb would certainly stick out, no? I should really be more vigilant about these things.

PROFESSIONAL COMPLIMENTS

I fill in as an interim executive director at senior living communities around the country until a permanent one is hired. At my last place I sent an email out letting the residents know that an ED had been hired. One of the residents I’d formed a friendly relationship with emailed to say that he was sorry they’d be losing me and then told me how I’d helped the community. It meant a lot.

My last day at work a couple of jobs ago, one of my co-workers (nice, but I didn't know particularly well) looked and me and said they'd miss me, because I made every day feel like I was hosting a dinner party and made everyone feel like an honoured guest.

A previous job terminated people immediately if they put in their two weeks’ notice and said they were going to a competitor. When I did that, they had me work the full two weeks because “well, we trust *you*” I really could have used a two week break, even if it was unpaid! (Josh’s note: BOOOO this employer!)

I once told my boss I wasn't sure if I was ready for the promotion I was up for and they said "I mean, you're smart and a good writer, you'll be fine" and I think about that almost every day.

I was DJing at a music festival recently and an older woman came up to tell me “Thank you for giving me something I didn’t know I needed” and that felt awfully special

As a manager, my favorite compliment is closing shift coming in and being visibly disappointed that I’m not closing with them

I have been a teacher, mostly at the university level, for many years. A student in one of my classes wrote this (anonymously) in my teaching evaluation: “Dr. Kimmerer can explain anything about anything to anyone.” I have tried to live up to that.

Someone I admire took time to write me after I facilitated a two-day, 35 person meeting that I epitomized “servant leadership.” That went right on the resume!

Been a hairstylist for 17 years. A client I'd known since he was a child came out to me as trans when he was ~15. He trusted me with this information before many of his own family members, because he felt safe. I have never felt better about my career than at that moment.

It’s lovely how many of these work compliments aren’t just about technical skill and how many of them encompass essential human qualities like trustworthiness and warmth and generosity. Not that everyone has to be a life coach or a therapist or a party planner at every moment at work. Just that it’s nice to know that people are noticing your excellent qualities whenever they’re on display. But also: You are good at your job is good for supervisors to recognize. As long as they’re not leveraging that to make you pick up the slack for everyone else. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE, BOSSES MENTIONED IN ONE OF THESE COMPLIMENTS!

I read a long time ago that the doctors who receive the most malpractice complaints aren’t the ones who mess up the most; they’re the ones with the worst bedside manner. That really stuck with me, the realization that if someone likes you enough they won’t even be that mad if you sew up their chest cavity with a latex glove still inside them. More people take this fact (or fake fact I’m misremembering) into account in their day to day lives. Just be cool and most of the time people will be cool with you. A similar professional principle I exploited when I was a preschool teacher many years ago is that on the days I was the most tired, I dressed the nicest, so people would notice my tie and not the equally dangly bags under my eyes.

COMPLIMENTS ABOUT KIDS

Years ago the lady at the ice cream shop told me my kids had very good manners and I've been feeding off that emotion ever since.

At the ER with my croupy kid and the nurses asked me if I was also a nurse (I am not)

“You guys are like a gentle parenting podcast,” from our nanny who used to do early intervention programs helping other families of autistic kids. I cried.

When my kid was 6, their first grade teacher took me aside and said, "your child is the one that makes sure to be friends with the kids that the other kids don't want to be friends with." Best compliment I've ever heard.

I was out walking w/a smart and accomplished neighbor, with our dogs and my kid in a stroller, and a super fit woman jogged by. I lamented that I couldn't ever be like that; she responded, simply, "you are a mother and an intellectual." And yeah, that has low-key sustained me ever since.

I don’t have any children, but I imagine if I did I would be extremely moved by anyone saying anything nice about them or my parenting. After all, parenting is a difficult skill and kids are like a sequel to your genes. So it’s like people saying: You’re so good at being you, I’m glad you made another you. I already take any compliment about how cute my dog is as absolute validation of something I did right, even though I’m not her biological father, and her appearance has nothing to do with my genetics.

COMPLIMENTS FROM KIDS

When I was a teacher, a little girl in another class came up to me and asked me if I was Ms. Frizzle. I was so flattered!

When I worked in daycare and helped a 4yo after he used the toilet, he told me I was really good at wiping butts.

Got fresh highlights and poofy hairstyle. Group of 4 teen boys. 1 said I looked “like a beautiful blonde Sonic the Hedgehog”

My 5 yr old nephew once told me “you’re not a real adult” and that’s the highest compliment I’ve ever received

I had a very stylish teen (who I didn't know) tell me once that my pants were "stunnnninnnnng" and whenever I need a pick-me-up I think of it

The best compliment I ever got was my middle school class getting on their feet and cheering when I came back after a sick day. You want ME, over a sub you can mess with all day?? Huge.

A compliment from a kid isn’t always as sophisticated as one from an adult, but usually comes right from the heart. Little kids are too young to understand the utility of flattery, and teenagers don’t care about adults’ opinions enough to lie.

COMEDIC COMPLIMENTS

a comedian told me I had a great joke and currently uses it in his set, which feels very similar to a lot of the responses here so far but the difference is that I’m not a comedian! so it was a big day for me

I took an improv class in college (I went to theater school). The teacher, Martin deMaat, who had helped start the Second City training center, told me I had a knack for making a dying scene funny again.

A comedy friend told me he did a bit of mine in a convenience store. One of the clerks was drinking a soda, and when she heard the joke, she did an actual spit take.

As a (let’s say) professionally funny person, I think it’s important to give credit to people who are getting laughs for the love of the game, and not to share later on Instagram or TikTok. Getting laughs at the store is also every dad’s aspiration so congratulations on becoming an Apex Dad whether or not you have children!

EXTREMELY SPECIFIC COMPLIMENTS

Was wearing a piece of jewelry (costume, my grandmother’s) and my friend admired it and I said “it’s costume!” and she looked into my soul and said, contemplatively, “fake stuff looks real on you.”

My high school guidance counselor told me I reminded him of Gracie Allen. I don’t know if it was supposed to be a compliment, but I took it as one, as she’s my comedic hero (along with Jack Benny - I’m an old soul).

About 25 yrs ago one of my best friends wrote in an email “you are always impressing me” and it absolutely made me feel like I could walk on water then and still does

"I bet when you were in school, recess was your least favorite class. Because you don't play, man."

A friend once told me I have "such a finely honed sense of the absurd" and I don't think anyone has ever described my brain better.

In line at the grocery store, the couple behind me complimented my shirt. I said "thanks my girlfriend made it", which was true. They said, "you seem like you’re smart enough to appreciate how lucky you are".

Someone just told me they think I swim beautifully.

“I really like learning things with you”

Excuse me, are you Brazilian?

hi josh, i spent a semester studying in puebla, mexico & had apparently picked up the local accent. one night i was talking w/ my host sister's boyfriend & he said (in spanish) "you sound like a poblana!" that was one of the best compliments i ever got

Today my friend told me i’m “really good at going to the zoo”

I had blood drawn recently, and when the phlebotomist started, she yelled “You’ve got those ideal veins!” Then as she was finishing the blood draw: “That’s some BEAUTIFUL blood, baby!”

Years ago good pal Jake Weisman told me I wore flowers in my hair really well and I think about it still!

Decades ago on LiveJournal, users could have multiple avatars (“icons”) and pick which to use for each post based on mood, topic, etc. Someone told me I had the funniest icon keywords they’d ever seen and I never forgot it. You don’t expect to be appreciated for the lil jokes in your icon keywords!

I was told I was the « cleanest person at burning man » (I didn’t want to be there but this kept me going)

I once got mentioned in the "I Spy" section of the local alt weekly (our town’s version of missed connections kind of thing) by a gal who noticed me at a show, and called me a "Furtive glance magnet" and I will ride high on that compliment to my grave.

We’ve got some great off-menu compliments going on here. It’s always, in my experience at least, a thrill to realize you’re great at something you hadn’t even intended to master, or something you’re proud of but you didn’t know that anyone else was tracking. Like, I know I’m pretty decent at the stuff I work hard at and talk about all the time (although I will still accept praise for that, OBVIOUSLY) but receiving credit for a less obvious skill or trait is like the onion ring in your french fries of the human experience. I guess finding an onion ring in your french fries is also a human experience, but it’s more human-on-carb rather than human-on-human.

APPEARANCE-BASED COMPLIMENTS (NON-CREEPY)

I will never forget the time a drag queen told me, “You are so fucking pretty.”

I was at a happy hour for a young professional event (circa 2007) where Toms founder Blake Mycoskie was speaking. I happened to chat with him a bit and he told me I looked like Anne Hathaway and had similar mannerisms. My 26-year old self died a bit inside

I was the first female geek squad agent at the best buy I worked at and one of the customers told me I was too pretty to be a geek. Boy, was she wrong.

someone called me “pretty” this past week, and I realized that was the first time I’ve ever been called pretty. It meant the world to me.

'You look so beautiful' because I've only been told that once, 20 years ago & I still think about it from time to time

My friend in high school went to a wizard rock show and her mom said “your eye shadow is way too well blended for this crap”

this isn’t the best compliment but definitely one of the most unique: at a plastic surgeons office (i was getting botox) a woman asked me if my nose was “real” because it suited my face so well?? if anyone knew a good nose, it was someone who worked in a plastic surgeons office!

"If you liked guys, you'd be the perfect bear."

Was joking with a girl I'd just met about dating her brother and she said, with great sincerity, "You're so beautiful! I can't wait for you to date my brother!"

an old lady i was briefly caring for in a friend’s absence said, when i first opened the door, “i’m staring into the face of god” i identified as an atheist and she was in full dotage, but still!

Someone once told me I was the spitting image of a young James Spader while I was tending bar at a hotel

Someone pointed at a screen on which Aishwarya Rai was appearing in the 1990s bollywood film Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam and said "oh, she looks like you". this was probably 13 years ago but you bet your ass I remember it

"Wow, you look like Sandra Bullock in Miss Congeniality!"

I have dark auburn hair and used to wear Betty page bangs and once some redneck in the city with his fam looked at me with disgust and said “hello ELVIRA” while steering his baby’s stroller away from me like I would infect it with glamour I was sooo honored. Like my hair isn’t black and I’m not goth but!! She’s a queen so I’ll take it!!

35 years ago, while I was wearing my Navy-issued winter dress coat over my dress uniform, someone told me I looked like Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca. Pretty much best compliment ever!

My ex is a Lord of the Rings fan and she said that my “elegant” features and pixie cut made me look like an “elf, but gay.” Queer Cate Blanchett! I treasure it!

There are so many ways to look good, and I think we hit many of the big ones: gay elf, drag queen-approved, big guy, congruous nose, brother-appropriate, celebrity lookalike, hot nerd. We’ve covered many, if not all, of the bases, some of which I didn’t realize were bases at all until this morning.

MORE SPECIFIC COMEDY COMPLIMENTS

Todd Barry told Greg Johnson I was funny while I was on stage at Rififi.

“You gotta see Anthony Atamanuik on Colbert; he talks about how he developed the impersonation of Trump, and it’s really good. It’s like a trailer from a master class on how to impersonate someone.” Catherine O’Hara said this in an interview and I love SCTV more than life itself. [Josh’s note: For context, this came from Anthony Atamanuik.]

One time at work Anthony Atamanuik casually mentioned my “elite Soviet face” then just moved on like it was a normal thing we all already had discussed

Some extremely inside baseball (or otherwise Atamanuik-intensive) comedy compliments here, so I thought they deserved their own little section. A Catherine O’Hara compliment is so legendary, as is a secondhand compliment from Todd Barry, a great comedian with high standards.

POTENTIALLY BACKHANDED COMPLIMENTS (I DUNNO, YOU DECIDE)

A guest at my wedding was impressed that the event was “financially responsible”

My dentist told me I was too young to be losing my molars.

The best compliment I’ve ever received was in high school where someone said “you’re too damn nice to hate and I hate you for it”…. However, I’ve also been told “Brendan, I don’t think you’ll ever be a good person”, so I’ve got my bases covered

“When it comes to movies and books, I never know what you’re going to like.”

Once had a coworker tell me I dressed “like a celebrity who’s trying to dress like a normal person” and I definitely took that as a compliment

A posh, elderly lady told me, "You have the posture of someone much better dressed."

In college a Lithuanian dude at a party told me I looked like "long-haired bad guy from American high school movie"

was told I was "like the male ms.frizzle" and i think it was meant disparagingly ab my appearance, but the group i was with all started agreeing & adding bits of context on my love of learning & cosmic garb & supportive nature & i felt so celebrated & uplifted, totally backfired

I was once told I was “annoyingly likable” by a friend, which I took as a compliment at the time. Honestly, it’s pretty on the nose.

“You are Valium in human form”

"You're stronger than you look."

My wife once told me that I'd ruined her for all normal human men.

my best friend once told me "for someone as smart as you are, you have the worst sense of direction of anyone i've ever met" and I just thought it was nice to have my intellect recognized while also being number one at something

Wow these really ride the line between beautiful and brutal. It’s a truly incredible feat of optimism by this newsletter’s readers to interpret some of these statements as compliments at all. “You have the posture of someone much better dressed,” in particular would make me throw out my entire wardrobe while still standing up a little bit straighter (if that’s even possible given my already impeccable posture in this scenario). I have nothing but respect for the level of self-esteem that makes a generous takeaway from that utterance possible.

A COMPLIMENT I’M NOT POSITIVE IS REAL, BUT SURE WHY NOT?

I work in a medical examiner’s office. a mother showed up looking for her deceased son’s cock ring (we didn’t have it). she told me her son would’ve loved my hair color and my kindness towards her. she called later to say she found his ring in a drawer

I have no idea if this is a real story or a prank or the plot of a Six Feet Under episode, but I am absolutely not going to google “dead guy cock ring mother” to find out. I love that in this story the grieving mother had the presence of mind to be kind to the people in the medical examiner’s office and to follow up so they wouldn’t waste time looking for an already-recovered piece of intimate jewelry.

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Two Tree Hill - “Awesome School”

twotreehillofficial

A post shared by @twotreehillofficial

Two Tree Hill is a super funny musical comedy group. I recently got to perform at their show Don’t Stop I’m About To Jazz (co-hosted by hilarious pal Rose Kelso) where comedians perform over a jazz accompaniment, and I had a GREAT time and couldn’t recommend seeing it more. “Awesome School” is a very catchy and funny comedy-ska song that will get stuck in your head and destroy your brain from the inside, but in a good way. I can’t recall hearing too many comedy songs that are ska, which I think is a mistake because the trombone is one of the funniest musical instruments on its own.

I also recommend you watch and listen to part two of the song!

Oh one more little recommendation: My friend Adam Pally has a new tv show on Peacock that co-stars the aforementioned Steph Curry (who very graciously raised awareness of the show by playing out of his mind in the Olympic medal round) as well as Ego Nwodim and Ayden Mayeri! It’s called Mr. Throwback and I’m enjoying it a lot!

UPCOMING SHOWS

I’ve got a bunch of NYC dates coming up, and then a few back on the road! See you there?!?!

8/16: Young Ethel’s (Brooklyn)

8/17: Opening for Natasha Vaynblat at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

8/20: Comedy Juice at Gotham Comedy Club (NYC)

8/21: Ambush Comedy at EBBs Brewing (Williamsburg)

8/23: Come On Down! at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

9/5: Wait Wait Standup Tour (Ft. Lauderdale, FL)

9/6: Wait Wait Standup Tour (Orlando, FL)

9/7: Wait Wait Standup Tour (Tampa, FL)

9/8: Wait Wait Standup Tour (Atlanta, GA)

9/20-9/21: High Plains Comedy Festival (Denver) MORE INFO SOON!

9/26: Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me Radio Recording (Kansas City)